I’m talking to all you soon-to-be freshmen out there, so listen up! Your parents have been busting their butts trying to turn you into functioning members of society for the past 18-ish years and while our job never ends, it’s now up to you to start making some smart choices on your own. Much like shower fungus (don’t forget your flip-flops) being eco-friendly can be super contagious so if you play your cards right, before you know it you’ll have your whole dorm joining in the fight to save Mother Earth.

So parents, grab a compostable cup of fair-trade coffee and join me as we celebrate the incredible journey your child is about to embark on – a journey filled with eco-conscious choices, sustainable adventures, and a commitment to leaving a positive footprint on this precious planet we call home. And if you don’t have kids or they’re not old enough for college yet, don’t worry – this list is a guide perfect for college kids, grandparents, and anyone just trying to be a little bit greener.

• Sustainable Shopping:

Picture this: No matter what meal plan you end up getting, you could still find yourself doing some shopping for some snacks and pantry items for your room. Do your best to make sustainable choices for your in-person or online shopping cart. Opt for organic, locally sourced produce, and choose products with minimal packaging. Say no to single-use plastics and hello to reusable water bottles, coffee cups, and utensils. Remember, every small step counts!

Real-life example: Meet Sarah, a college freshman who started a trend on campus by organizing a weekly farmers market. She connected local farmers with students, promoting healthy, sustainable eating while supporting the community. Way to go, Sarah!

• Energy-Saving Hacks:

Living on your own means having control over your energy consumption. Embrace the power of energy-saving hacks to keep your carbon footprint in check. Turn off lights when you leave a room, unplug electronics when they’re not in use, and make the most of natural light during the day. Opt for energy-efficient dorm-size appliances and use power strips to easily switch off multiple devices. You don’t get an electric bill (unless you’re living off campus) but your making smart choices which will benefit the planet now and your wallet later.

Real-life example: Meet Alex, a freshman who started a dorm competition to see who could reduce their energy consumption the most. By encouraging his fellow students to be mindful of their energy usage, he created a fun and eco-friendly atmosphere in the residence hall. Kudos, Alex!

• Waste Reduction:

College life often means countless coffee runs and late-night study sessions with snacks galore. But all those disposable cups, food containers, and wrappers can add up quickly. Embrace waste reduction by opting for a reusable coffee mug and bringing your own food containers and utensils. Embrace the art of recycling and composting, and encourage your dorm mates to join the eco-warrior squad.

Real-life example: Meet Maya, a freshman who initiated a composting program in her dormitory. With the help of her environmentally conscious peers, she transformed food waste into nutrient-rich compost, which was used in the campus garden. Great work, Maya!

• Sustainable Transportation:

Not everyone lives on campus, so we didn’t forget about you commuters out there. Bid farewell to traffic jams and parking struggles by embracing sustainable transportation options. Dust off your bicycle or invest in a skateboard or scooter for a fun and eco-friendly way to navigate campus. Utilize public transportation whenever possible, and carpool with friends to reduce carbon emissions. Your daily commute can become an adventure for both you and the planet.

Real-life example: Meet Jake, a freshman who started a bike-sharing program on campus, making it easy for students to access bikes for their daily commute. He even organized group rides to explore nearby nature trails, promoting a healthy and sustainable lifestyle. Way to pedal, Jake!

• Engage and Educate:

One of the most powerful ways to create change is by engaging and educating others. Join environmental clubs, attend sustainability events, and take part in community service projects that focus on eco-conscious initiatives. Share your knowledge, inspire your peers, and together, you can create a greener campus and a brighter future.

Real-life example: Meet Emily, a freshman who organized a “Green Living Week” on campus. She hosted workshops, film screenings, and panel discussions to raise awareness about eco-friendly living. Her dedication to sustainability ignited a passion in many fellow students, leading to long-lasting change. You rock, Emily!

As you embark on your college journey, don’t forget that you have the power to make a difference. By implementing these eco-friendly tips and following the footsteps of these real-life eco-heroes, you’ll not only reduce your environmental impact but also inspire others to join the movement. Embrace the adventure of college life while living clean and green. Together, we can create a sustainable future, one freshman at a time.

Remember, change starts with you!

And if you’re craving more eco-inspiration, be sure to check out LivingCleanandDirty.com for a treasure trove of sustainable living ideas, tips, and delicious planet-friendly recipes.

Pass this onto anyone who has a kid in college or going to college. Stay tuned for future articles on which products will be best for an eco-friendly dorm or join the Facebook group, Eco-Friendly Dorm Essentials & Discounts, moderated by me for ideas and discounts!

Happy eco-friendly college life!

The post The Freshman’s Guide to Living Clean and Green: College Edition appeared first on Living Clean and Dirty.

“Don’t be a Dick” – Ghandi
“Send Nudes, Not Hate” – Thomas Jefferson
“Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope” – Sun Tzu

And my favorite…
“Don’t believe everything you read on the internet” – Abe Lincoln

Recently I came across what seems like a real quote on the internet and I’m running with it.
“The ugliest thing I have ever seen, is a human being without compassion” – H. Milne

Henri Milne was a French Zoologist in the 1800s. He wrote papers for the French Academy of Sciences and in his career named 5 new species of lizards. If he did actually say this then I think he hit the nail on the head. If it was someone else who said it and you know who it was then let me know, otherwise the credit is going to Henri. #VIVALAHENRI

Translated into 2019-speak…without compassion, you’re fucked.

My family has a Thanksgiving tradition that has helped my girls grow to be compassionate young women. When they were very little, I talked about what compassion means, how to be compassionate and how to show compassion. Mind you this was sprinkled into their daily diet of Dora the Explorer, Handy Manny, chasing the dog around the house and pulling all the labels off of our canned food. So needless to say, I wasn’t really expecting a speech about morality and empathy to keep their attention. To be fair, even to an adult it’s a really tough concept to explain. So I switched gears and instead of talking about compassion, I decided to show them what compassion looks like in our daily lives.

My husband and I wanted to find specific things we could do together as a family that would be fun and engaging for our young children. If I’m being truly honest, when my kids were little if I could find an activity for the family that didn’t require us all leaving the house, that was a win in my book. So one chilly November many years ago we started to “adopt” a turkey for Thanksgiving. Living in a suburban area I obviously wasn’t going to find one and take one home, although there is something mesmerizing about a creature that looks like its scrotum is hanging off its face.

For many years now, we all gather around the computer and show a little compassion that any 19^th century Zoologist would be proud of.  We each pick our own turkey (right online) and someone else cares for our “new member of the family” who is enjoying their life on the farm and not on someone’s dinner table.

After lots of research, I found Farm Sanctuary which operates a 275 acre sanctuary in Watkins Glen, New York and a 26 acre sanctuary in Los Angeles, California. They rescue, rehabilitate and provide care for hundreds of animals who were rescued from stockyards, factory farms and slaughterhouses. Each year, we go to their website and pick our turkey from the pictures and bios they provide. This year my daughter with a soft spot for “Frozen” is adopting Elsa and my musical daughter chose Hank Williams. My hubby wanted to adopt Pamela “The Lover” because he said she was the hot one. After I reminded him that jokes like that won’t be doing him any favors in the bedroom he reconsidered and agreed to adopt the whole flock.

Compassion isn’t always about writing a check or the subject of a silly meme…it’s a state of mind. Compassion is a verb. Kindness, caring and a willingness to help others should be something we all should be teaching and learning every day.

I’m going to leave you with 3 final quotes that I think sums it all up.

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” – Dalai Lama

“Compassion is the chief law of human existence.” – Fyodor Dostoyevsky

“Living Clean and Dirty is my favorite website and newsletter.  You’d be an idiot not to subscribe” – Helen Keller

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If you’re like me, you read that in Don LaFontaine’s voice.  Did I lose you with that reference? Basically, if you’ve ever seen a movie trailer in your life then you have heard his voice.  He was the “In A World…” guy who narrated 5,000 movie trailers over the past 40 years.  There’s your rare super-random fact of the day.

Anyway, let me get back to my story…

This isn’t a sappy romance story, this isn’t a mystery thriller, and it sure as hell isn’t a story about a future utopia where computers cater to our every whim.  Quite the opposite, this is a story of the day the water came in and the lights went out.

Was that dramatic enough? Are you compelled to keep reading? Of course it was and of course you are.  Now to be fair, this wasn’t the worst day I’ve ever had. There’s currently a 3-way tie in that category and if we were to give them titles they would be “And this is why we always leave the house wearing panties”, “Funny, this almost tastes like pee” and “Jesus Dad, close the door, no, I’m not masturbating”.

Maybe I should refer to this particular day as a “momentous” day. It was the day that made me embrace gratitude and that one simple shift changed everything. EVERYTHING. So I live on Long Island (emphasis on Island) and a few years back we experienced mother nature’s equivalent to a fist in the ass…while she was wearing a watch…and some sort of jeweled bracelet…and possibly a fitbit. Rather than refer to it as “The Great Fisting of 2012” let’s be slightly more mature and refer to it as “Getting Sandy-ed”. We went from living our everyday New York life to a page right out of Amish Homes & Gardens (“In A World where the Amish published a weekly lifestyle magazine…”).

No power, no heat/hot water, no cars, no internet, no porn, nothing. 27 inches of water came rushing through my house and made it virtually unlivable in a matter of hours. The next morning we stood amidst the wreckage of our flooded house, ruined cars and decimated neighborhood; I did the only thing that a rational person would do in this situation…I cried. I cried every single day, my poor hubby was trying to keep everyone and everything together and I sobbed like a baby. I cried like Sally Field in Steel Magnolias after Shelby died.  I cried like Drew Barrymore after getting egged in Never Been Kissed. I cried like everyone in the audience watching Bangkok Dangerous starring of course, Nicolas Cage.

My entire world was turned upside down, I was so overwhelmed and just felt like things would never be normal again. How would we ever get our lives (and our house) back to normal?  I would have lucid moments of getting my shit back together but became so disappointed with myself the water works would start all over again. I was a mess.

About a week later, I had learned my neighbor had set up a makeshift kitchen in her house and there was a strong possibility there would be coffee. I brushed my teeth, which represented the only form of hygiene that my current lifestyle would allow and promised myself I wouldn’t cry.  I made it across the street and almost through her front door before the tears started coming.  She will always have a special place in my heart for the advice she gave me that day.  I walked into her home like a sobbing hot mess, she could clearly see the pain on my face and knew I wasn’t coping with our situation.  She poured me a paper cup full of freshly brewed coffee, looked me in the eye and spoke the words that changed my life.  “Oh for fuck’s sake enough already. Stop crying.”

My first thought was “Bitch, give me my coffee and you’re a shitty friend. I’ll “C” “U” Next Tuesday” (that’s a classy way of calling someone a cunt, Mom raised me right). After I had my first sip of morning Java in almost 170 hours I started to see the wisdom in her kind words.  She was right, all this crying bullshit was getting me was a puffy face. When you don’t shower for a week and you’re living in Amish-pocalypse, red swollen eyes just makes everything worse. That night in early November of 2012 when I went to bed I was still filthy and unshowered but it was the first night of my new “shift” towards gratitude. I closed my eyes tight (which made things worse because I could hear the scratching of mice from somewhere in the nightmare that was my house) and concentrated. All I had to do was find one thing I was grateful for that day. I needed to sift through all the bullshit, all the frustration and all the feelings of hopelessness and find a single positive thing to grab on to.  For a caffeine junkie like me the choice was easy, I was grateful for that cup of coffee.

…The next day I was grateful that the FEMA representative came to our house

…The day after I was grateful that my friend drove in from Westchester just to pick up my laundry for me.

…The day after that I was grateful that our auto insurance processed our claim and scheduled a time to tow away our cars.

You get the idea.

It took a long time to get our lives back to normal, but we did.  In many ways our home is even better than it was before and so is my outlook on the world. Hey, there’s something else to be grateful for!

Every night I’ve ALWAYS found at least one thing to be grateful for. Some days it’s simple like the cup of coffee or a convenient parking spot. Other days it’s more “serious” like the day my father died. What could I be grateful for that night? I was grateful that he was my dad and I had him in my life to play silly games with me as a child, teach me how to balance a checkbook as a teen and walk me down the aisle as a bride to be. There’s ALWAYS something to be grateful for. What I love about gratitude is that you can be grateful anytime, anywhere, and it’s always free of charge. Studies have shown that there are tons of health benefits to practicing gratitude like improving your physical health, making you more empathetic, helping you to sleep better, increasing your self-esteem and of course it’s awesome for your mental health. I read that on the internet so it’s obviously true.

My girls have even gotten in on the act as “what are you grateful for” is part of our bedtime routine.  I do have to admit that their gratefuls tend to be a little jarring sometimes. “My tummy has been hurting me for like 2 days and tonight I finally pooped, so I feel a ton better.”  That wasn’t one of theirs that was actually mine but seriously I felt a lot better.  So one of my daughters hit me with “I’m grateful for this girl in school who isn’t very nice to me”. I was confused why this fell into the grateful category but she went on “She’s not nice to a lot of my friends either and I’m grateful because she shows me the kind of person I don’t want to be” (Gets you right in the feels, doesn’t it).  Not to be outdone by her sister, my other daughter tells me “Well, I’m grateful that there is a Hell and that Hitler is in it burning for all eternity”.  I told her that there might not be a Hell, but there is a Cleveland which is pretty close and maybe he’s there.

So that’s today’s story.  Will it change the world? No, probably not but sprinkling in a little daily gratitude will definitely change the way you look at it.  Oh don’t get me wrong…I totally have shitty days and sometimes it’s a struggle to come up with my daily gratitude, but I always find something.  I believe we can all find something big or small to be grateful for each day.  And just remember, at the end of the day if you find yourself struggling for your moment of gratitude, sometimes just making it to the end of the day is as gratitude-worthy as that “2012 Apocalypse-Blend” cup of coffee in a paper cup.

The post Gratitude…freshly brewed in a paper cup appeared first on Living Clean and Dirty.

Growing up, my family went on a vacation every year. My parents hated the beach, Disney World was too immature for them and a “European trip would be wasted on children.” Needless to say, for three kids that left our options somewhere between the National Mustard Museum in Wisconsin (yes, it’s real) and somewhere in Yemen. My father was in the insurance business and every year he went away to a convention and dragged us along with him. I still think Yemen might have been the better choice. When I was 12 years old, the convention of the year was in San Diego. Me, Mom, Dad and my two brothers on a plane for over four hours with no in-flight movie (“that’s a waste of good money”), no smartphones and no iPads. How we survived the ’80s I have no idea.

Entertainment consisted of sitting still, Mad Libs or staring out the window praying it would open. I got a little adventurous and stealthily snuck off to ransack the tiny bathroom in the back of the plane. I know that doesn’t sound like a lot of fun, but after an hour of Mad Libs you’d poke your own eyes out just for a change of scenery. If you’re a woman reading this, you know what I found. That’s right, ladies…the stash of free sanitary napkins. My Walkman was running out of batteries and I could only listen to so much Cyndi Lauper anyway, so naturally I thought it would be fun to spend the next few hours of the flight wearing a big-ass pad. I didn’t even have my period yet, but all my friends did and I was dying to feel “grown up,” because nothing screams “womanhood” quite like riding the front half of a diaper cowgirl style.

That lasted about a half hour.

Yup, that’s all it took for me to run back to the bathroom (my mom must’ve thought I had diarrhea) and rip that thing out of my underwear. I actually considered peeing with it on just to see what happened, but thankfully I chickened out. Otherwise I might’ve ended up years later sitting in a bar on my fourth glass of wine, refusing to get up because I was convinced nobody could tell my pad had expanded to seven times its normal size.

Fast forward thirty-something years and now it’s my daughter telling me she can’t wait to get her period. As I’m about to roll my eyes, I think back to that flight and remember how clueless I was too. “The only periods you should be worrying about right now are the ones at the ends of your sentences. Now go finish your homework.” Parenting…nailed it.

Time went on and before we knew it, Aunt Flo came knocking on my little girl’s door. She was so excited she was practically beaming. We immediately went to the pharmacy, made our purchase and came straight home. I think you know where this is going…nine minutes. She lasted nine minutes. “Nope. I’m not wearing this.” I explained that my house wasn’t going to look like a crime scene and she had to wear something. She was way too young for tampons (organic only…do you know how much chemical shit they spray on those before you’re supposed to shove one up your hoo-ha? That’s a whole other post), she couldn’t use a menstrual cup like me, and as far as I knew there weren’t any other options.

Turns out I was wrong.

Rather than continue a losing battle with my hormone-raging vampire snack, I asked my friend Google to help me keep the peace and keep the laundry to a minimum. After a couple of very unfortunate internet searches (I can’t wait to see what starts showing up in my newsfeed), I found a potential answer…period underwear. Yup, don’t beat yourself up if you’ve never heard of it either. At the time, only two of my friends had, and neither one knew if they actually worked. I figured I had nothing to lose and everything to gain by giving them a try. In the age of cell phones, Wi-Fi and the Swiffer, surely my daughter didn’t have to suffer through the equivalent of a small travel pillow stuffed into her underwear once a month.

When I hear “period underwear,” I picture giant tan granny panties with stretched-out elastic and a couple of unfortunate Rorschach stains. They’re not sexy, nobody wants to talk about them and they’re definitely not fun. They’re the Nicolas Cage of underwear.

Who knew period underwear had become a huge industry? There are a bunch of different brands out there, but after a lot of research I decided to try Thinx. I heard the founder, Miki Agrawal, on a podcast and thought she was a fucking badass. I love supporting companies that give back, promote ethical and sustainable manufacturing and make it easy to find exactly what you need. I’m not going to lie, I was skeptical, but much like watching Nicolas Cage in a dramatic role…I felt nothing.

Yup. Nothing.

They’re comfortable, super cute and incredibly easy to wash. I rinse them in the sink, throw them in the washing machine and let them air dry after a few minutes in the dryer. They come out perfect every time. Thankfully those giant pads are a thing of the past in our house, and my daughter will never have to experience what felt like half a roll of damp toilet paper stuffed into her underwear like I did. Isn’t that every mom’s dream? For her daughter to have it just a little easier than she did.

Mission accomplished.

As a side note, you know how eco-friendly I am, so I’m hanging on to that last box of giant pads for the next time my friend Allison comes over with a bottle…or three…of wine. I think it’s incredibly rude to excuse yourself in the middle of a great story just to run to the bathroom.

The post Finding comfort at the end of a sentence appeared first on Living Clean and Dirty.

Hi, my name is Emma and I’m a 14-year-old 8th grader at Oceanside Middle School. My mom loves to tell the story that while she was pregnant with me she saw Wicked on Broadway with her parents and my dad. Legend has it that this was the moment when my love of all things Broadway began.

On what started as a completely normal school day, a friend of mine walked up to me and started telling me about a show called Hadestown. I was intrigued and after doing some background research, I knew this was a show I wanted to see. I asked my mom about getting tickets and a few short weeks later I was on my way (with my dad) to see the marvel that was Hadestown. The musical was fantastic and I highly recommend it for any Broadway fan.

The songs were well written, but what made them spectacular was the actors singing them for all the audience to hear. They were all so talented and there wasn’t a single song I didn’t enjoy. The choreography mixed with the music so well and gave life to each number. If I had to pick a favorite character that I connected to it was Our Lady of the Underground, Persephone.

Persephone was an interesting and charming addition to the cast and wowed the crowd with her humor and love for humanity. As the goddess of Spring, I thought she would be sweet and innocent, but her time with Hades made Persephone into a wonderful woman full of fire and contradiction. Her character was brought to life by Amber Gray, who did a wonderful job of approaching the character with the mindset of someone who is beautiful and kind, but with a bit of a dark side. I loved her interactions with the other characters. I won’t spoil anything for you but her scenes with Hades (played by the wonderful Patrick Page) and her scenes with Orpheus and Eurydice’s situation (played by Reeve Carney and Eva Noblezada respectively) show such an incredible range.

She is an absolute wonder and I left the theatre singing her songs excited to tell my friends what an amazing experience I had at Hadestown. But NOW you don’t have to take just MY word that this is an amazing show. Hadestown received 14 Tony Award nominations which made it the most nominated show of 2019 including Best Musical.

To purchase tickets click HERE.

Hadestown provided my family with two complimentary tickets for the purpose of this review. My daughter LOVED this show and said, “This is my favorite show of ALL time.” This is saying A LOT and all opinions expressed in this review are her own. Hubby had a great time and loved the daddy-daughter bonding experience. 

The post Hadestown…A Hell of a Good Time appeared first on Living Clean and Dirty.

One of my husband’s favorites is “Shaft” which by the name alone is funny enough and should be on one of those Facebook lists “movie names that sound like porn”. There’s a line in the movie where Jackson’s character John Shaft is putting the moves on a lady and delivers the line “You know me…it’s my duty to please that booty”. I know, not exactly Shakespeare in the Park but still pretty good.  Why am I talking about this movie? Obviously this falls under the Dirty category but what does this have to do with Living Clean? Well, “hold on to your butts”. (that’s a Jackson quote from Jurassic Park)

Let’s talk about butts. My husband’s famous line to our girls is “opinions are like butts, everyone has them and no one wants to hear yours”. We use expressions like “being the butt of a joke”, “butt naked”, “butt-ugly” “work your butt off” or my favorite “butt-munch”. There are a myriad of songs dedicated to our moneymakers.  We like dropping off our older daughter at her friend’s house with the windows and top down and “I Like Big Butts” cranked up on the stereo, she thinks it’s hilarious (no, she doesn’t…not even a little and I think she hates us). The point is…as a society, we seem to have a rump-obsession, but I think we are “behind” the times in truly taking care of them.

Me? I absolutely love my Tushy.

My husband has become a huge fan of my Tushy too. My younger daughter thinks my Tushy is pretty great. My teenager is…well…a teenager, so enthusiasm isn’t really her thing.

Before this gets any weirder, I’m not talking about my actual rear end.

I’m talking about my Tushy, a bidet attachment that mounts under your toilet seat and washes your backside after you do your business.

Everyone poops…it’s not just a child’s bedtime story, it’s a fact of life. As Americans we have become accustomed to a roll of toilet paper being our chief caboose cleaner, but if you travel anywhere outside of the US you’re likely to come across a bidet and you know why… because they’re not as gross as we are. “Are you ready for the truth?” (Jackson quote – Unbreakable)…

Picture if you will…you and I walking down the street probably to or from a bar and out of nowhere I flung shit at you (mine or someone else’s, let it be your choice) and it landed on your arm, would you calmly ask for a napkin and gently wipe it off? Hell no! “Who the fuck is this asshole?” (Jackson – Coming to America) You’d freak the fuck out that I soiled you and immediately start scrubbing your arm Silkwood-style. I’m picturing water, soap, bleach and probably a flame thrower. There would be crying, vomiting, a lot of explaining and quite possibly a Facebook post. I of course would find this hilarious.

Yet in the privacy of our own home or god forbid a poorly ventilated bathroom stall at work, we pinch a loaf and then ball up a wad of toilet paper like a catcher’s mitt, give our crack a couple of swipes and call it a day. Well…”God put you in my path and I aim to cure you of your wicked ways.” (Jackson – Black Snake Moan)

Toilet paper still has a place. Think of it as the finishing touch. But it’s no longer my primary weapon in the war against dingleberries and skid marks. “Come on! Toilets are always funny!” (Jackson – The Spirit)

When I first started researching bidets, I pictured one of those carnival games where you shoot a stream of water into the clown’s mouth. The thought of blasting my poor unsuspecting backside with a jet of water wasn’t exactly appealing. Fortunately, today’s bidet attachments are nothing like that.

The Tushy installs right between your toilet seat and the bowl. There are several companies that make bidet attachments, but this was the one that checked all my boxes. I splurged for the warm-water model because cold water aimed in that general direction sounded less like a spa treatment and more like an emergency evacuation.

Installation was surprisingly easy.  Well…it was surprisingly easy for my husband.  I supervised.

Once everything was hooked up, I politely kicked him out of the bathroom because I’m a lady, sat down and prepared for what can only be described as the strangest leap of faith of my adult life.

I started cautiously.

Tiny bit of water.

Tiny adjustment.

A little warmer.

A little stronger.

A few seconds later…

“Only God should have this power.” (Jackson – Jumper)

I had found the sweet spot.

I’m not saying a bidet changed my life.

I’m just saying I feel cleaner, I use a lot less toilet paper and I honestly don’t know why I waited so long to get one.

In fact, I liked it so much that I’m planning to put one in every bathroom in the house.

Once you bidet…you’ll never go away.

The post I’m Not Being Pushy, I Just Love my Tushy appeared first on Living Clean and Dirty.

When it comes to parenting, my husband has a primary goal. “It’s our job as parents to teach you how to exist in society”. I personally think keeping them out of the adult film industry should rank slightly higher but I get where he’s coming from. All the life lessons we struggled through to get where we are now are the greatest gifts we can give to our children. Sure, there’s plenty they have to experience on their own but any leg up we can give them, in my opinion, is worth it. Now to be fair, just like 80s fashion choices you can’t have the good without some of the bad (acid wash jeans, really?). They certainly pick up our bad habits and “colorful” language but hopefully they pick up more of what we have to offer that’s, let’s say, “socially appropriate”.

As a mom I think for the most part I have my shit together. Oh don’t get me wrong, I get frustrated and lose it just like the next sleep-deprived mom out there. I’ve mouthed the words “Karma’s going to get you someday” when my kid’s back was turned but I try to keep my mini meltdowns on the DL. As an avid yoga fan, when one of my kids start pushing all the wrong buttons I remind myself to breathe. My yoga instructor calls it “Take 5”. Five breaths in and 5 breaths out – to the count of 5. It calms my inner demon and probably keeps Child Services out of my house. Five In Five Out…FIFO.

While both of my kids present hubby and me with unique challenges, it’s my younger daughter who definitely needs more “managing”.   Her spirit animal is apparently the Hulk and honestly if she was born first she would probably be an only child.   I love her to the moon and back, but sometimes I want to move to the moon just to get a break from her.

They say patience is a virtue, they also say cleanliness is a virtue and she doesn’t have that one either. She will go from zero to frustrated almost instantly and change from Norman Rockwell to Norman Bates. How could such a cute little girl turn into such a witch? My first thought obviously was to blame myself. Did I scream too much in childbirth? Was I demanding too much? Is this how Hitler’s mother felt? She would literally blow her stack right in front of me. I tried ignoring her screaming meltdowns watching in horror expecting her head to spin around and vomit pea soup…that didn’t help. I’ve taken away her iPad and her computer…that didn’t help either. I took away every single stuffed animal and toy in her room, but then guiltily left her one to sleep with. She brought it into my bedroom, threw it on the floor and said “you forgot one” (true story)…so obviously none of this was working. To make things worse, her temper was becoming contagious and was turning me into a banshee where I would start screaming back at her. Five In Five Out…FIFO was the only thing that kept me sane.

Nothing was working and although my good natured mommy friends assured me this was just a stage, I knew that I couldn’t listen to this shit for years or worse…let it continue and have a teenaged Attila the Hun under my roof. My only saving grace was that she just did it for an audience of one…me. No one else knew my dark little secret…”Hi, my name is Ellen and I am the worst mother in existence”.

As some of you unfortunately know all the words to this familiar song, this started to change. Her inner-Hulk started to reveal itself on playdates and at school. To be fair she wasn’t a nuclear meltdown 24/7, but when she did pop she popped big. The stares, the begging (from me) and then I got the dreaded phone call… her teacher wanted to have a meeting with my husband and me. I figured we weren’t walking in to an award ceremony for “Best Parents Ever” but you can always hope (I made room on the mantle just in case we were taking home some kind of trophy, but I think you see where this is going).   Apparently she becomes so frustrated in school at the other kids, she will scream at them until they burst into tears. Now mind you, she wasn’t a sociopath, meaning she didn’t smile while they cried, she felt bad but just couldn’t control it. I sat there and patiently listened to her teacher ask if there were problems at home or any life changes which could be affecting her, to which there were none. My only thoughts were “I’m failing…worst parent ever”. Five In Five Out…FIFO

Now back to me…I’m not a screamer but I get overwhelmed like everyone else and I’m grateful for my yoga outlet and what it teaches me, Five In Five Out…FIFO. I’m taking care of me, my hubby, my mom, two kids and two doggies and there’s just not enough hours in the day. I want to scream bloody murder and lose my shit too, but I don’t (well, mostly). I’ve learned that when life gives you lemons there isn’t always an opportunity to make lemonade.   Sometimes life takes those lemons and squirts you in the eyes and rubs them in your cuts. You have to keep your shit together and keep on living. It all sounds great, right? If only life was as easy as some blogger makes it out to be. My life isn’t perfect and neither is my daughter’s…neither is anyone’s. Most of the bad shit in life is out of our control and the only thing we can do is choose how we react to it. I recently started teaching “little Attila” that nope…life isn’t fair and hell is other people. Like her dad constantly points out to them, you need to be able to function in society even when society sucks.

I’ve started bringing my little rage monster into the FIFO fold and we’ve seen a dramatic change for the better. She’s starting to recognize when things are making her frustrated and before it gets out of hand she starts to calm herself down.   I’ve seen her in mid-conversation with her sister; she stops, closes her eyes and start deep breathing.

As happy endings go (no hubby, not that kind) this sounds like a great one. I’d love to tell you that she has completely changed her ways and turned into a shining beacon of joy and happiness. As Americans we love our stories to have happy endings where all the problems are solved, the hero wins and the villain has been defeated. Unfortunately in real life sometimes the definition of a win is no one ended up in the hospital and the cops were not at my house.

My little short-fused firecracker has certainly mellowed out when she reached double digits (almost in time for teen-dom, hooray!). She practices her FIFO and the meetings with her teachers are now more focused on her love for history and her disdain for math. While definitely not at a helicopter-mom level I still keep one Bionic Woman ear on her play dates, and I’m happy to share that she is growing into a conscientious and thoughtful young woman. I’m sure, like anyone else, she’ll have her outbursts and meltdowns and that’s OK.   My hubby says “that’s just the cost of doing business”. I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean, but he says it with such an air of wisdom that I just nod and smile (hey what can I say…he’s pretty).

I look forward to a long life filled with offering unrequested pearls of wisdom and nuggets of advice to my girls. Late night talks about a broken heart over a quart of ice cream, helping fill out college applications and reassuring a hormonal pregnant mom-to-be that she’s going to do just fine…these are all hopefully in my future. As parents we have a lot to teach our kids and as a mom of girls I feel like I have a specific responsibility in raising these potential leaders of tomorrow. The benefits of teaching both of my kids about FIFO is twofold. I’m helping them develop the coping mechanisms they’ll need throughout their lives as well as practicing myself which I think makes me a better mom and gets us all a little closer to our Happy Ending (that one’s for you hubby).

Five In Five Out…FIFO

The post The Nuclear (meltdown) Family appeared first on Living Clean and Dirty.

My daughter’s new obsession…mascara. The good news is now the worst she can look like is Tammy Faye where before she put on all my mom’s makeup and looked like Madam the puppet. To make matters worse, both my daughters have been blessed by the eye lash fairy and have long, luxurious lashes that extend naturally. True story, when both my girls were infants, one day they went to sleep and the next day they woke up and BAM they had the longest, most beautiful lashes I have ever seen. I was shocked that they acquired them overnight. My hubby has them (TOTALLY wasted on a guy) and he constantly complains about water on them and blah blah blah, it’s so uncomfortable, blah blah blah. I don’t have these problems so I need to wear mascara and one that really works. I used to buy the uber expensive mascara at a fancy department store that worked amazing but was filled with chemicals and tested on animals. Also, I hate when they try to spray you with that crap that makes you smell like an old lady, or as we call them in my house, female village elders. You know that smell.

Problem…I still want great mascara coverage – long defined lashes but not one that’s tested on animals, filled with chemicals and one that won’t flake, clump, or smudge a lot so I look like a raccoon or a bad listener (black eye). This is not so easy. If you’re like me, here’s some help. These are my top 5 mascaras I like and let my 10 year old daughter “borrow”:

♥ 100% Pure Fruit Pigmented: This was the first natural mascara I tried and loved it. Been using it for years and what I love is that it comes in many flavors…I mean colors. You can use the standard black (which is what I use) or try blackberry, blueberry, or chocolate. The company makes products completely free of all harmful toxins and their staff is amazing. I called their store in California for help to choose the right color makeup and the woman was so nice.

♥Lush Eyes Right: This is my new love. My daughter really loves it because it’s a small bottle with a short brush so it’s easy for her to use. Great for my 10 year old but bad for me because the wand is too short and hard to use. This was a complaint many people have when they review this mascara but I love Lush products so much that I’ve learned to deal with the wand. Seriously, I went into that store with my daughters and finally after 2 hours my hubby had to beg us to leave. They make all their own products in small batches, no preservatives, 100% vegetarian and they not only never test on animals, but they’re fighting for other cosmetic companies to stop testing too.

♥Jane Iredale: They make a few different kinds of mascaras but the one I used was PurLash mascara in black. I like this one because it leaves my lashes looking natural but at the same time they’re thicker and longer. Jane Iredale’s products are all paraben, talc and phthalate free.

♥Rejuva Minerals Pur Lash: This is another great mascara and since I live by the Environmental Working Group cosmetic list I love that this one is EWG verified which meets their strict criteria for transparency, good manufacturing practices and avoids chemicals. This mascara is free of parabens, titanium dioxide, mica, soy, gluten and GMO’s. It’s vegan too.

♥Josie Maran Argan Black Oil: In consumer studies a large percentage of people saw an increase in lash length and their lashes appeared conditioned and healthier after continued use. I’ve read a ton of reviews where people wrote of these results. I didn’t see it with me but I do know that my lashes looked great. It’s free of parabens, sulfates and phthalates.

Ok, so I know I told you my Top 5 but since I began writing this article and finishing it I found another mascara I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. ♥Juice Beauty Phyto-Pigments Ultra-Natural Mascara. I have to agree with Gwyneth Paltrow you put it on, let it dry, put another coat and I get the same results as my old conventional mascara. The wand is perfect, it’s formulated without parabens, petroleum, propylene or butylene glycol, sodium lauryl sulfates, pesticides, phthalates, artificial dyes or synthetic fragrances AND it’s never tested on animals.

My review of these products is based solely on my opinion. Others may have a different opinion or experience. I did not receive any compensation – I bought all these mascaras with my own cold, hard cash.

The post The Top 5…How’s my mascara? – Unsponsored Review appeared first on Living Clean and Dirty.

For me, that’s WICKED.

Years ago, when I was seven months pregnant with Emma, my dad surprised my hubby and me with tickets to see it on Broadway. It wasn’t my first trip to Oz. I’d been obsessed with The Wizard of Oz since I was a little girl. My fifth birthday was Wizard of Oz themed, complete with my prized collection of dolls. So when the lights dimmed at the Gershwin Theatre that night, I felt like I was coming home.

I fell in love with the show.

Years later, when it was time to introduce my daughters to Broadway, there really wasn’t much debate. Their first Broadway show had to be WICKED.

Part of me wanted them to experience the music and the spectacle.

But an even bigger part wanted to share something that had become special to me because of my dad.

As we sat in the audience, I couldn’t help but think about that first performance years earlier. It felt like he was sitting right beside us again.

If you’ve somehow managed to avoid spoilers all these years, WICKED tells the story of Oz long before Dorothy arrives. Instead of following the famous yellow brick road, it asks what really happened between Glinda and Elphaba before one became “Good” and the other became “Wicked.”

The music is phenomenal. “Popular,” “Defying Gravity” and “For Good” are the kinds of songs that stay with you long after you’ve left the theater.

Apparently they stay with husbands too.

Mine spent the train ride home singing “Popular.”

I consider that one of the show’s greatest achievements.

This summer I had the chance to return for a third visit, this time as part of a group of mommy bloggers. Before the show we were invited to lunch where we met the actresses playing Elphaba and Glinda and learned about WICKED‘s partnership with BullyBust, an organization working to prevent bullying in schools.

The highlight of the day, though, belonged to Emma.

She finally got to meet Elphaba, her favorite character.

When I asked her why she loved Elphaba so much, she didn’t talk about the songs or the green makeup.

She said she admired that Elphaba stood up for what she believed in, even when it wasn’t easy.

I don’t know if there’s a better lesson for a kid to take away from a Broadway show than that.

The older I get, the more I realize experiences become family traditions before you even know they’re happening. One surprise from my dad eventually became my daughters’ first Broadway show, and now every time I hear the opening notes of “Defying Gravity,” I think of all three generations sitting together in that theater.

That’s a little bit of Broadway magic you can’t buy with a ticket.

My dad treated me to my first performance of WICKED. More than a decade later, WICKED provided my family with complimentary tickets for the purpose of this review after I reached out because I genuinely wanted to share the experience with my daughters. As always, all opinions are my own.

The post The WICKED Magic Through Generations appeared first on Living Clean and Dirty.

Ellen: “My colors are blush and bashful. I have chosen two shades of pink, one is much deeper than the other.”

Mark: “I like pink! Pink is my signature color.”

As I’m sure some of you will guess, that quote is from Steel Magnolias.  I’m no Southern Shelby but I do have 2 signature colors, they are Casper white and Fuck that hurts Red.  Let me explain…

“Am I tan yet?” -Ellen, Age 10

For most of the year my skin is white, not albino white mind you but to put it mildly my friends used to love to play the “put your arm next to Ellen’s and laugh” game. After a few times at the beach, they’d squeal how tan they are and some of them even added on tanning oil to really get that deep-fried chicken tone.  Flash forward 20 years later and my skin looks pretty much the same and some of these sun worshippers look like a Kenny Rogers Roaster who’s been sitting under the heat lamp for too long.  That’s right you Oompa Loompas, no one is going to mistake me for a wax sculpture left too close to the heater…but no, I’m not bitter.

Now, to be fair I’ve tried to tan but the results were…well, let’s just refer to my description of color Red earlier in this article. I go from zero to burn in nothing flat!  For me, sunscreen isn’t just a precaution against skin cancer, it’s a necessity to keep me pain and blister free. According to the American Academy of Dermatology  (www.aad.org) there are three things you need to watch for when selecting sunscreen.

• SPF of at least 30
• Water resistant
• Provides broad-spectrum coverage

You should apply generously before going (it takes at least 15 minutes to absorb) into direct sun exposure and you should use at least one ounce. Now, you don’t need to carry around a shot glass (I prefer their original use), this is about the amount you can hold in the palm of your hand.  Don’t forget (everyone does, including me) to reapply sunscreen every 2 hours, after sweating profusely or after you’ve gone swimming.

Anyone who has spent more than 10 minutes with me knows that “conventional” sunscreens are not an option for me and my family. Most of them are crap and full of toxins (the sunscreens, not my family) and they don’t always work as promised. As I’ve said before, your skin is your largest organ (contrary to my hubby’s claim) so what you put on it goes right into your body and these days we should be super-selective about what goes in your body.

So now down to business, here’s my top 5 list of chemical free sunscreens that I love (in no particular order). All these recommendations are top rated in Environmental Working Group’s Guide to Sunscreens (www.ewg.org) so you’re not just taking my word for it and all the sunscreens listed are cruelty free.  It’s a little extra work finding some of these but like Truvy from Steel Magnolias says “It takes some effort to look like this”.

All Terrain KidSport SPF 30

Oxybenzone and paraben-free
Broad spectrum
Water and sweat resistant
Non-Nano

Badger Unscented SPF 30

Broad spectrum
Water and sweat resistant
BPA and phthalate free tubes
Biodegradable and safe for coral reefs
PABA Free
Made in the USA

Raw Elements Eco Stick 30

Oxy-Benzone Free
Non-GMO
Titanium Dioxide Free
Non-Nano
Reef Safe
Water Resistant
Made in the USA

Goddess Garden Everyday SPF 30

Reef Safe
Biodegradable
Non-Nano
Non-GMO
Made with plant-based ingredients and natural minerals
Organic
Water Resistant
PABA Free
Made in the USA

Thinksport Sunscreen SPF 50+

No Avobenzone, oxybenzone or UV chemical absorbers
Non-Nano
Paraben, phthalates, PABA and 1,4 dioxane free
Gluten Free
Water Resistant

Whether you’re naturally tan or part of Team Casper like me, protecting your skin is one of those things that’s easy to ignore until it’s too late. Find a sunscreen you’ll actually wear and use it. Future You will be grateful.

My review of these products is based solely on my opinion. Others may have a different opinion or experience. I did not receive any compensation – I bought all these sunscreens with my own cold, hard cash.

The post Sunburnt Magnolias – Unsponsored Review appeared first on Living Clean and Dirty.