My version of the perfect Mother’s Day doesn’t involve fancy dinners, chocolates or extravagant gifts. It’s sleeping late, not cooking a single meal (or doing the dishes), and celebrating the original mother, Mother Earth, by spending the day outside in the garden.

Misspelled cards and Picasso-esque drawings from my kids over the years will always have a special place in my heart, but as my girls are now in their teens (please pray for me, or at the very least send wine), the gift of spending time with them is just as precious. While not as Earthy-Crunchy as I am, at least not yet, my girls have definitely embraced some of my eco-friendly ways and joined me on my journey.

I’ve become a newly self-proclaimed minimalist, I have a new kitchen goal, and I’m no longer driving a hybrid. Is your interest piqued? Well, you’ll have to keep watching as I’ll get to those stories in future articles, but for now let me present my gift from one mom to another.

Let yourself be a bit selfish this Mother’s Day. We’ve earned it, ladies, and we keep earning it every day whether you’re changing diapers, need your own diaper changed, or you’re somewhere in between. I’ll admit there are some pretty terrific store-bought gifts out there, but if you’re a regular reader of mine then you shouldn’t be surprised that I’m giving you my TOP 10 FREE things you can do right now to save money and save Mama Earth.

1 – Next to my kitchen sink is a pitcher. Don’t go out and buy one. Trust me, you’ve got something right now that’s collecting dust and will work perfectly. A big glass, a vase, a water pitcher, a bowl your kids made you for a past Mother’s Day, or even that goldfish bowl you bought even though the poor guy only made it two days. Really anything that will hold water. Throughout the day there’s so much extra water I never use. The water my kids didn’t drink, water left in a measuring cup or pot, or even ice that fell on the floor. Instead of pouring it down the drain, I dump it in my pitcher and when it’s full I use it to water my plants. Save money on your water bill and don’t let perfectly good water go to waste.

2 – Become that weird person who demands everyone take their shoes off at the front door. I swear every time someone asked me to do it I’d roll my eyes (behind their back. I’m not that rude) while taking off my shoes. Yep, now you can roll your eyes at me. Not tracking dirt and debris into the house helps reduce indoor toxins and keeps your floors cleaner. Between my two kids, my two dogs and my hubby, there’s a lot of outdoors that ends up indoors. I used to go through vacuum bags like potato chips at a Grateful Dead concert, so this one’s a no-brainer. Less dirt, less vacuuming, less money spent. Win, win, win.

3 – Join me in My Year of Clear. Confused? That’s what I called it when I woke up and decided to keep only the things I love, use or are sentimental. Everything else goes. Not to the landfill of course. Don’t be ridiculous. All that stuff you’re saving “just in case?” Let me be your blunt friend. I know you have the best intentions, but you’re never going to use it. If you haven’t touched it in a year, you probably don’t need it. Sell it on eBay, Craigslist or Facebook Marketplace and make a few bucks, or donate it to a local thrift store that supports a nonprofit. Your trash really can become someone else’s treasure, and you’ll have a little extra room to dance around your newly decluttered house.

4 – Did you know your clothes get just as clean using cold water? Yep. You’ll save money on your energy bill, your clothes will stay looking newer longer and you’ll help the planet. BAM. All in one. And if you want to take it one eco-step further, check out THIS ARTICLE and see how I ditched laundry detergent and now my clothes (and my washer and dryer) have never smelled better.

5 – This Mother’s Day I’ve set a huge personal goal for myself. Read one book a week. If you’re a reader like me, there’s no way I’m buying all those books to read once and then stick on a shelf like some strange literary trophy. My local library always has enough to keep me entertained, and they even print on the receipt how much money you’ve saved by borrowing instead of buying.

6 – “Turn the goddamn lights off!” Ahhhh…this brings me back. If I had a dollar for every time my dad yelled that at me, I could probably buy a small island. Like Staten Island. Turning off the lights inside the house is easy enough, but it seems like some of my neighbors grew up in a very different household because they leave their outside lights on all night. Now far be it from me to judge. If you’re one of them, I totally get it. (Nope…I’m silently judging you.) If you feel like you need to leave them on, at least invest in a timer. It’ll save energy and money. Unless, of course, you own the electric company. Then I guess carry on.

7 – Did you know you can turn the heat off in your dishwasher? Many even have an air-dry option that lets your dishes dry naturally. I always run mine at night, so if they take a little longer to dry it doesn’t matter.

8 – I have a neighbor I absolutely adore, but he’s a neat freak. Every Saturday he unrolls his garden hose and washes his driveway. Especially in the spring. If he grabbed a broom instead, he’d finish faster, save money on his water bill and conserve the wet stuff. (Note to self: Send sidewalk chalk to his kids and tell them to draw Mom a Happy Mother’s Day message on the driveway.)

9 – Saving water is probably the easiest thing you can do right now to help both your wallet and the planet. Take a shower instead of a bath. Don’t leave the water running while brushing your teeth or washing dishes. And always try to shower with a buddy. (In my case, my hubby.) And remember…a Retriever can be Golden, a Willy Wonka ticket can be Golden, and Rose, Dorothy, Blanche and Sophia should always be Golden. But I’d recommend keeping the Golden out of your shower for two.

10 – If you’re not using rooms in your house, close the heating and cooling vents to help reduce your energy costs and improve efficiency.

So to all the mothers, grandmothers and hard-working ladies out there, enjoy your day. Do something nice for yourself and for the Earth. Check back often for more helpful ideas and be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a thing.

That’s it for me today. I’m off to do some gardening and maybe, if my hubby plays his cards right, there’ll be a shower for two in his future.

The post Make it a MOM-entous day appeared first on Living Clean and Dirty.

Come on!!!  We’re Americans!!

We know what we need to do in times of adversity, we sit on the couch and watch TV.  As a proud cord-cutter watching TV equates to Laptop/IPhone/Roku watching but you get the idea.  I’m not going to tell you to watch Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad or the Walking Dead. We’ve all seen those or actively chose to be lame and skipped them.  I like my TV like my sex…a little unusual, you can be on the treadmill when it’s happening, and sometimes it’s better when you’re alone.  Here are my Top Oh Crap! Now What? Binge-watch TV show picks to get you possibly drinking a Corona instead of thinking about one.  We’re going to be here for a while so send me your picks and I promise if I watch it and it doesn’t suck you’ll get a true couch potato shout out from yours truly.

Hang in there everybody.

1 Stranger things – Netflix

It’s been called a love letter to the 80s, I call it an Easter egg hunt for anyone who grew up in the ’70s or ’80s. Somehow there are still people who haven’t watched it. Fix that.

2 Orphan Black – Amazon Prime

Five seasons. A ridiculous number of clones. Incredible acting. One unforgettable pencil scene. One of my hubby’s all-time favorites.

3 Archer – Hulu

Yes, it’s a cartoon, but possibly one of the most inappropriate ones I have ever seen.  Super vulgar, everybody is screwing, and absolutely laugh out loud funny.

4 Buck Rogers/Six Million Dollar Man/Bionic Woman – NBC App

Bell Bottoms, feathered hair and disco music.  Ahhh the Sci-Fi technology of the 70s and the 80s.  If you haven’t heard of any of these shows ask your parents.  It’s definitely worth a shot to at least see what we thought the future was going to look like.  I guarantee you there is not a single Tik-Tok reference in there.

5 Sense8 – Netflix

8 strangers around the world suddenly find themselves mentally connected and hunted by a shadow organization as they come to grips with their new reality.  Extremely adult, highly sexual with a strong representation of LGBTQ characters and action packed. This is definitely one to watch long after the kids have been put to bed.

6 Schitt’s Creek – Netflix

Full disclosure, I have not watched this but everyone and their mother is telling me it’s amazing.  A riches to rags comedy with Eugene Levy…sign me up!

7 I am not OK with this – Netflix

My 15 year old has fallen in love with this show.  A teenager navigates the complexities of high school, family and her sexuality while dealing with new superpowers; based on Charles Forsman’s graphic novel.

8 The Americans – Amazon Prime Video

Not getting your fill of Russian Spies from the news? Take a nostalgic trip back to the Cold War with a Washington DC family in the Reagan era as they navigate life, kids and relationships. And by the way…they’re undercover KGB spies.

9 8 Simple Rules – ABC App

A comedy with John Ritter – nuff said!  We could all use a little more of this in our lives right now.

10 Briarpatch – NBC App

To be fair, this show is still brand new but I was hooked after 1 episode.  A pulp fiction mystery based on the novel of the same name.  Rosario Dawson returns to her border-town home in Texas to find her sister’s killer. The cast is amazing!

11 Altered Carbon – Netflix

Sci-Fi at its best, my husband couldn’t turn it off.  Beautifully shot, lots of action, mysteries and firepower.  300 years in the future death is not the end.  A man dead for hundreds of years is brought back into a new body to solve a mystery.  Looking forward to the second season which was just released.

12 VEEP – Hulu

If you like a little more comedy in your politics, Julia Louis-Dreyfus is the VP of a train-wreck administration. Think Madame Secretary (which gets honorable mention on my list) meets Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

13 Tiny house nation – Netflix

I do love them small…houses that is.  Don’t judge me, we all secretly like some reality TV shows and this one is my guilty pick.  A simpler lifestyle, a smaller footprint, and downsizing galore. It’s my future dream, the show is 5 seasons in but if it runs for another 10 maybe I’ll get my own episode.

The post The “Corona Dozen” Binge-worthy TV shows appeared first on Living Clean and Dirty.

1…Wash Your Hands: Come on people! I never in a million years thought I’d have to add this to my list but here we are. I read one article that found 4 out of 5 people in the world don’t wash their hands after going to the bathroom. So PLEASE after you pee, after you poop, after you go out and lick subway poles, you need to wash your hands. With soap. For 20 seconds and lots of rubbing. Plenty of friction, like your hands are two high school kids dry humping each other. Sing Happy Birthday two times, the alphabet song, I Touch Myself by the Divinyls, whatever you like just wash your damn hands.

2…Self-Quarantine: If you’re sick stay home. This is another idea I never thought I’d have to add to my list but then I read about that guy who tested positive, felt sick and decided to take a plane to Florida, land of the old people, and I realized people really do need reminding. Don’t get on a plane, don’t go to work, don’t go to the movies. Relax, drink fluids and binge watch Breaking Bad or Schitt’s Creek. Skip any Nicolas Cage movies…we have enough problems already.

3…Social Distancing: Sounds like some cool new app right? It means stay the hell away from people. Hang out with your family, the dog or yourself. Give your liver a rest and no bar hopping. If the weather is nice go outside. Fresh air and the sun will do you some good and when you do meet your friends outdoors no touching. Make pretend you’re meeting the Queen, bow and curtsey. If that’s just too weird for you air high 5 each other, do the bump, wave or just stick your hand up in the universal hi position. In times like these, no one is gonna get offended.

4…Sleep: At some point in every parent’s life they’ve looked at their kids at night and thought, “Go the Fuck to Sleep”. If sleep deprivation suppresses your immune system, then getting a good night sleep helps keeps you healthy. I had sleepovers with my BFF growing up and we’d stay up late and she got sick. Every single time so go the fuck to sleep.

5…Drink Fluids: Sorry not alcohol. Yup, there are other fluids besides wine. I know…I had to look it up too.

6…Exercise: Regular exercise is one of the best things you can do for your overall health, and many studies suggest it supports a healthy immune system. Some believe the deep breathing flushes out your lungs, some say it helps to balance your stress hormones, some say it changes your cells, whatever the reasons it works BUT if you work out TOO intensely it does the opposite. Like everything else in life – moderation.

7…Eat Healthy: Lots of fruits and veggies. When you go food shopping stick to the outside aisles and don’t buy a lot from the middle of the supermarket. That’s all your processed food. Did you know that red bell peppers have twice as much Vitamin C as citrus? Here’s some great immune boosting foods besides red bell peppers: garlic, citrus, broccoli, ginger, spinach, kale, mushrooms and green tea.

8…You should get your vitamins from food whenever possible. Some people also choose supplements like Vitamin D, Vitamin C, Zinc or Echinacea. Whether they help depends on the person and the evidence is mixed, so talk to your doctor if you’re unsure.

9…Meditation, yoga or deep breathing. FIFO has always helped me and you can read about it HERE.

10…Reduce Stress. When you’re stressed you release hormones that screw up your immune system. Find your de-stresser. Work out and you can combine this idea with number 6. My hubby likes to keep himself busy and do projects around the house, my way to stay calm is mediating, you gotta find your thing.

What To Stock Up On:

Prescriptions/Medications You Take

Medicine to take when you have the flu like acetaminophen, or if you’re like my mom…bourbon.

Bonus: Some people also enjoy using essential oils. I like them, even if it’s just because they make the house smell nice. If you have pets, make sure any oils you diffuse are safe for them.

Another Bonus: Sex helps too, there has to be some benefit to all of us working from home now.

The post Say “No Thanks” to the Coronavirus appeared first on Living Clean and Dirty.

Somewhere during “not hot” season we cram Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas and Kwanzaa into about five weeks. I can only speak for those of the Hebrew persuasion, but I’m guessing the other holidays come with their own family drama, stress and at least one awkward conversation nobody wanted to have.

Thanksgiving always makes me laugh. We spend an entire day talking about how grateful we are for everything we already have, then less than twenty-four hours later we’re elbowing strangers in a store trying to buy more stuff we probably don’t need. We’ve all seen it over the years. Cabbage Patch Kids. Tickle Me Elmo. Razor Scooters. Fingerlings.

I know because I spent December of 2017 calling every toy store within driving distance asking, “Hi…do you have any Fingerlings left?” To which my husband, being my husband, immediately informed me it’s never too late for a good fingerling. I hate how much I laughed at that.

The point is, we’re a society of gift givers, but the older I get the more I think we’re shopping for the wrong things. Most gifts fall into one of two categories. They’re either completely forgettable, or they’re so awful the recipient starts wondering if you even know them at all.

Some of my favorite gifts over the years haven’t been things at all. They’ve been experiences. A Broadway show. A concert. A weekend away. A cooking class. An afternoon wandering through a museum. The “stuff” eventually ends up in a closet, a garage sale or a landfill. The memories somehow stick around.

So in the spirit of giving I’m going to give you my 20 (for 2020) ideas of Gifts of Experience for family and friends, young and old, that aren’t just for the Wintry season.  These gift ideas can be given all year round and not just for special occasions, but sometimes just because giving somebody a bad-ass gift just makes you awesome.

1) Tickets to a Show (Comedy, Theatre, Symphony, Opera)
2) Tickets to a Professional Sports Event
3) Passes to a Local Amusement Park or Local Water Park
4) Music Lessons
5) Art Lessons
6) Sports Lessons
7) Equipment for Sports: Skis, Basketball, Baseball, Helmets, Skates
8) Museum Membership
9) Zoo Membership
10) Aquarium Membership
11) Tickets to a Holiday Light Show
12) Movie Gift Cards
13) National and State Park Pass
14) A Weekend Trip Away/Vacation
15) Concert Tickets
16) Laser Tag/Escape Room/Mini Golf/Bounce Place/Indoor Skydiving
17) Pottery Painting Event/Paint Your Own Pallet Board Night
18) Family Photo Shoot
19) Baking/Cooking Class
20) Dance Lessons

Will everyone remember every gift they got this year? Probably not. But they’ll remember laughing their way through an escape room, singing at the top of their lungs at a concert or spending a Saturday learning how to make homemade pasta. Those are the kinds of gifts that last.

Here’s wishing you a happy, healthy New Year, as little family drama as possible and a whole lot more memories than Amazon boxes.

The post Surviving the holidays is truly a miracle appeared first on Living Clean and Dirty.

My daughter’s new obsession…mascara. The good news is now the worst she can look like is Tammy Faye where before she put on all my mom’s makeup and looked like Madam the puppet. To make matters worse, both my daughters have been blessed by the eye lash fairy and have long, luxurious lashes that extend naturally. True story, when both my girls were infants, one day they went to sleep and the next day they woke up and BAM they had the longest, most beautiful lashes I have ever seen. I was shocked that they acquired them overnight. My hubby has them (TOTALLY wasted on a guy) and he constantly complains about water on them and blah blah blah, it’s so uncomfortable, blah blah blah. I don’t have these problems so I need to wear mascara and one that really works. I used to buy the uber expensive mascara at a fancy department store that worked amazing but was filled with chemicals and tested on animals. Also, I hate when they try to spray you with that crap that makes you smell like an old lady, or as we call them in my house, female village elders. You know that smell.

Problem…I still want great mascara coverage – long defined lashes but not one that’s tested on animals, filled with chemicals and one that won’t flake, clump, or smudge a lot so I look like a raccoon or a bad listener (black eye). This is not so easy. If you’re like me, here’s some help. These are my top 5 mascaras I like and let my 10 year old daughter “borrow”:

♥ 100% Pure Fruit Pigmented: This was the first natural mascara I tried and loved it. Been using it for years and what I love is that it comes in many flavors…I mean colors. You can use the standard black (which is what I use) or try blackberry, blueberry, or chocolate. The company makes products completely free of all harmful toxins and their staff is amazing. I called their store in California for help to choose the right color makeup and the woman was so nice.

♥Lush Eyes Right: This is my new love. My daughter really loves it because it’s a small bottle with a short brush so it’s easy for her to use. Great for my 10 year old but bad for me because the wand is too short and hard to use. This was a complaint many people have when they review this mascara but I love Lush products so much that I’ve learned to deal with the wand. Seriously, I went into that store with my daughters and finally after 2 hours my hubby had to beg us to leave. They make all their own products in small batches, no preservatives, 100% vegetarian and they not only never test on animals, but they’re fighting for other cosmetic companies to stop testing too.

♥Jane Iredale: They make a few different kinds of mascaras but the one I used was PurLash mascara in black. I like this one because it leaves my lashes looking natural but at the same time they’re thicker and longer. Jane Iredale’s products are all paraben, talc and phthalate free.

♥Rejuva Minerals Pur Lash: This is another great mascara and since I live by the Environmental Working Group cosmetic list I love that this one is EWG verified which meets their strict criteria for transparency, good manufacturing practices and avoids chemicals. This mascara is free of parabens, titanium dioxide, mica, soy, gluten and GMO’s. It’s vegan too.

♥Josie Maran Argan Black Oil: In consumer studies a large percentage of people saw an increase in lash length and their lashes appeared conditioned and healthier after continued use. I’ve read a ton of reviews where people wrote of these results. I didn’t see it with me but I do know that my lashes looked great. It’s free of parabens, sulfates and phthalates.

Ok, so I know I told you my Top 5 but since I began writing this article and finishing it I found another mascara I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. ♥Juice Beauty Phyto-Pigments Ultra-Natural Mascara. I have to agree with Gwyneth Paltrow you put it on, let it dry, put another coat and I get the same results as my old conventional mascara. The wand is perfect, it’s formulated without parabens, petroleum, propylene or butylene glycol, sodium lauryl sulfates, pesticides, phthalates, artificial dyes or synthetic fragrances AND it’s never tested on animals.

My review of these products is based solely on my opinion. Others may have a different opinion or experience. I did not receive any compensation – I bought all these mascaras with my own cold, hard cash.

The post The Top 5…How’s my mascara? – Unsponsored Review appeared first on Living Clean and Dirty.

OK, everyone who knows me knows I love to recycle.  Whether it’s tin cans, shampoo bottles or toilet paper it doesn’t really matter to me.  In the spirit of recycling I have taken my 10-Step Commandments from our podcast and recycled/reused here in one nice neat package, I call it The Perfect Ten (no hubby, not you but you’re totally a strong 9…ok maybe 8).  Originally I called it the Ten of Hearts but that made me think of The Queen of Hearts and when I start singing Juice Newton around the house everyone gets pissed (they must be jealous of my fabulous singing voice).  So if some of these sound familiar, you’re not crazy (as far as I can tell).  We felt this feature was so good for your ears that we didn’t want your eyes to get jealous.  Enjoy!  😉

I have 2 daughters; my husband refers to them as the scientist and the anarchist.  My younger one, the anarchist is truly sweet and has a huge heart, but there hasn’t been a rule made that she hasn’t broken.  She’s super smart, but a little lazy and is convinced that half of her teachers and all adults have no idea what they are talking about.  My scientist however is the type of child who thrives on compliments and parental pride.  She loves school and has on more than one occasion been referred to as “an old soul”.

Now make no mistake when it comes to the lottery that is parenthood I hit the jackpot on both tries.  My girls couldn’t be more different but I wouldn’t change a thing about either of them (well, mostly).

The scientist (who now is considering which surgery specialty to study…she’s 12) and I were watching Grey’s Anatomy together.  It’s “our” show and on a particular episode one of the patients lays in a hospital bed dying. Not the breathy-can’t move kind-Emergency Room kind of dying, just the super-pale-lying-in-bed kind of dying.  With her daughter at her side she’s chit-chatting away, as we mothers do, feeding her a huge helping of unsolicited advice.  The dutiful daughter is giving her dying mom a mani, as one does, because just like wearing clean underwear you should never walk around with chipped nails…just in case the unspeakable were to happen. The mom passes one tidbit that made me tilt my head like a confused puppy…”you should be with a man who loves you more than you love him”.  I’ve heard a lot of kooky relationship advice but this was a new one on me, and apparently the daughter didn’t agree either because she got up and walked over to the hospital room window. When she turns around…the mom is dead. Of course, I’m balling my eyes out and the scientist looks over at me and says “it’s okay mom, it was probably an embolism and she didn’t feel any pain”.  I took a long look at my pre-teen scientist and thought…what would I tell her (and my 10-year old anarchist) right before I died and it’s not “Hey, I could have used a second coat.”

So here it is, my life advice for the lights of my life:

1-Everyone messes up: You, me, your dad (contrary to popular belief), your friends, teachers, the Dalai Lama…everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes are fine, it’s all part of the process of growing up and being a grown up, but unfortunately more times than not, those mistakes hurt other people in some way. I believe it’s what you do afterwards that’s the important part. Do you blame others, brush it off, and rationalize it that they deserved it or it’s their fault. Or do you say sorry and own up to your shit. The only way to learn is by making mistakes. My advice is to take responsibility and learn from them. You messed up and you own it, you’ll get a lot more mileage out of learning from a mistake and changing your behavior than blaming it on someone or something else.  However, if you keep making the same mistake over and over again, that’s a problem.

2-Grateful/Universe: I don’t know who said this first but “You can’t be grateful and unhappy at the same time”, but it might have been my husband the day after I gave him his birthday gift (wink!). In our house, every night we do “Grateful/Universe”. We talk about the things we are grateful for and what we ask of the universe? It doesn’t have to be big. I’ve been grateful for an awesome parking spot, finding the right color shoes, and waking up in the morning. Asking the universe for a new My Little Pony doll doesn’t fly in my house – it’s more about asking for someone to get well, confidence during a test, or the Tooth Fairy not to forget to visit again. Yup that’s happened twice (see advice #1).

3-Give Back to Others: As a kid, I once asked my mom why we bust our asses our whole life only to die in the end – why do we bother? She told me, “You spend your life helping others, making other lives better, that’s what it’s all about. That’s the legacy you leave.” I don’t agree with my mom all the time (sorry mom) but this time I do. In my house we don’t do for others for the pat on the back, the reward or the recognition. We help others because to us it’s as important to life as breathing. It’s something we can’t imagine living without. It doesn’t have to be large gestures or donating piles of money, we find the most value in the little everyday things like volunteering our time, smiling at people, listening when someone is talking to you and just being kind.

4-Forgiveness: We’ve established that everyone makes mistakes and everyone can be a douche (those are the anarchist’s words, not mine). A valuable yet often overlooked quality is learning to forgive. I’m not suggesting to forget, but instead to store that nugget of information away and go on with your life. I teach my girls that you absolutely do not have to accept someone’s apology, but forgiveness is for you so you don’t live with the anger. That’s right…we’re taught if you make a mistake, you say “I’m sorry” and the other person says ok and everything’s fixed. Screw that! My hubby always says, “When someone pushes you down a flight of stairs, looks down and says sorry, you’re still left at the bottom of the stairs.” Some shit in life is beyond an “I’m sorry” and you don’t have to be ok with it. But you should find forgiveness so you’re not left constantly pissed.

5-Moderation: Everything in moderation is our mantra. It doesn’t matter if it’s ice cream, shopping or drinking from the skulls of our enemies (my anarchist’s suggestion, not mine).

6-Listen More, Talk Less: Ok, so I’m not so good with this one…YET, but I am getting better. I come from a family of talkers but what I’ve learned is that most of the time when I’m flapping my mouth it’s to let other people know what I know. My husband always says “every time you talk you are saying things you already know, when you listen you have the potential to learn something new”. Hot and smart, that’s why I love him, find one just like him.

7-Live Fearlessly: Let’s unpack this one carefully. I’m not saying to jump out of planes, wear plaid with stripes or walk a tightrope between buildings in NYC, unless that’s your thing. I’m talking about not being scared to try something new, to think outside the box, to say “yes” to all the things you would instinctively say no to. If you never do anything that scares you then you’re not truly living.  I’m scared of public speaking so when I was asked to speak at my daughter’s graduation every fiber of my being was screaming “NO don’t do it”. I smiled and agreed and I must say I did a fine job. When I saw a pair of crazy palazzo pants I thought those are cool but not for me – it’s not my style. I stopped and bought two pairs. Again, stop thinking big, it’s the small stuff too.

8-Meditate:  There are thousands of websites that talk about the health benefits of meditation, and while I agree with all of them, that’s not why I keep coming back to it. For me, meditation is simply a chance to hit the pause button.  As moms, we’re pretty good at going from zero to losing our minds in about three seconds flat. Meditation reminds me to stop, breathe and realize that most of the things I’m stressing over really aren’t that important. It quiets the chatter in my head, gives me a little perspective and helps me remember not to sweat the small stuff. That alone makes it worth the effort.

9-Don’t let anyone tell you what you can and cannot do…including yourself: I loved the show “Lost”, (well…except for the ending). My favorite line of the show was from John Locke, the character in the wheelchair, who yells “Don’t tell me what I can’t do” when he wants to go on a walkabout. I’m not saying life is easy, on the contrary, life will kick you in the ass every chance it gets. If you work hard, stay focused and dream BIG you can do things you never thought were possible.

10-Expect/Demand More: My goal is to raise two daughters who are confident, strong women who demand to be treated well. It doesn’t matter if it’s a spouse, a friend, or someone you hire to paint your room black (guess what color my anarchist wants to paint her room). Expect more from yourself than anyone else expects from you. Demand respect from the people you let into your life.

The post The Perfect 10 appeared first on Living Clean and Dirty.

As I’m sure you can tell by now, I love to have a good laugh.  But I should preface that with the fact that the material needs to be funny.  Back in my single days a guy gave me this card on Valentine’s Day.  Now, granted I took some artistic liberties with the card itself because the original is still probably in police evidence “just in case”, but the sentiment is the same.  He wasn’t funny, he was super creepy and he always looked like he needed a shower (not in the Ethan Hawke hot way, but more like Howard Hughes at the end when he was pissing in jars).  He would have been better off if the card had said “Happy Valentine’s Day – Clearly you’re a low-shooter and I love that about you.”  Ugh! Gross!!  …OK, now back to our blog.

The true history of Valentine’s Day can differ depending on who you ask.  While most historians agree that it’s actually St. Valentine that we celebrate on the 14^th of February, the details tend to be a little sketchy.  My favorite story is about an imprisoned Saint named Valentine who sent a love letter to the daughter of his jailer before his death and signed it “From Your Valentine”.  That’s right baby…caged heat.  While I’m sure Valentine’s Day in today’s prisons must be the butt of a lot of jokes, we have an imprisoned man condemned to death to thank for an abundance of greeting cards, chocolate, flowers and last minute shopping by forgetful husbands.

Now I’m sure that my husband’s version of the story would revolve around a celebration of the great St. Vagine, and we should spend the day on our knees pleasing it.  Knowing him, this would yield a lot of empty wine bottles and me asking on Facebook for a good chiropractor the next day.  Honestly we aren’t big gift givers in my house.  Holidays and anniversaries are great excuses to turn off the rest of the world and spend time with the ones we love.  Basically if we are wrapping up shit in the middle of the night when everyone else is asleep it’s because the dog took a dump in the living room and we are trying to destroy the evidence.  But when we do need/want something we just get it and surprise the person even more because well…it’s a no-reason-Tuesday.  More than anything we love giving the gift of experience (in the case of my two kids) or the gift of health for my hubby and me. But, hubby is only human, and there are certain landmark holidays where he starts hinting around about what sort of gift I would like.

So with February 14^th fast approaching, here’s my Top 10 lists of eco-friendly Valentine’s Day gifts.  The first list is gifts for the ladies.  These can be from your fella or even better, a gift you get yourself on Black Saturday.  But don’t worry fellas; I made a top 10 gift list for you too.

VALENTINE’S DAY TOP 10 GIFTS FOR WOMEN

1) Massage: My hubby and I both get monthly massages. It’s a great way to turn off and de-stress since we both sit in chairs for a gazillion hours a day.  Your parenting skills could use the time for a quick recharge and your muscles will thank you.  Neither of us get the “Happy Ending” kind but I guess that could relax you too, this is a judgment free blog.

2) Guided Meditation Class: My hubby encourages me to go twice a month.  There’s a local place by me who donates part of the proceeds to a local animal shelter.  I usually fall asleep half way through (last time I was even sitting up) but it’s relaxing and I love the meditation practice.  It’s like sex, sure you can do it alone, but sometimes it’s nice to have someone there walking you through it.

3) Facials: I treat myself to a once a month facial (sigh, please don’t laugh).  Every time I say “facial” in my house my hubby laughs uncontrollably.  I just learned (after getting my first one) that it’s called a facial when a man treats your face like a sperm bank and he’s making a deposit.  I love getting a facial (the spa kind) because it’s awesome for my poor dehydrated skin and I can’t believe how good it feels.  Thankfully I never got the other facial because if a guy tried to leave his mess all over my face he’d end up with fewer balls than Lance Armstrong.

4) Buy One Organic Decadent Thing:  Hubby is going to laugh at this one and say something supportive like “Oh, if you wanted to treat yourself with organic corn you could have just asked”.  Well, in this case I was thinking on a grander scale.  This past year for the holidays I’ve been eyeing some VERY expensive Coyuchi organic towels.  Doesn’t sound so glamorous at first, but you won’t hear me complain when I wrap myself up in one of these after a nice hot bath.

5) Take a Class: Do this as a couple or do it alone.  Hell, when I was single and in my 20s I bought myself a gift every V-Day (still love these cool earrings I got one year, I know me so well) so I took a cooking class in Brooklyn and still use what I learned there every day.  And if cooking isn’t your thing, try another class, a few years back I took a knitting class and this year I’m learning to sew.

6) Send Flowers:  While certainly not original, sending flowers is the “black iron skillet” of the gift giving world.  It’s a simple phone call, nearly impossible to mess up and a timeless gift.  If this is your choice, be sure to take advantage of the “tulips” (two-lips) jokes and also try sending eco-friendly flowers (www.organicbouquet.com) or even a plant.

7) Write a Heart Felt Letter:  Back before texting, sexting, email and even AIM we used to write letters…you know, with a pen.  Skip the stupid card, because you probably waited too long anyway and now all that’s left are the crappy cards with sad puppies or Batman on them.  It’s WAY more touching if you just write how you feel and if you feel inclined you can draw a little picture too…you don’t even have to rhyme (but if you can, that’s nice)

8) Symbolically Find Your Valentine’s Animal Match and Donate:  You can go to: www.worldwildlife.org and pick what animal best describes your Valentine and symbolically adopt that animal.  We love that we’re giving to one of our favorite charities, my kids love doing it and probably most important…our dogs love it because they hate competition.

9) Think Vintage: Growing up we called jewelry and clothes like this “old” but now it’s “chic”.  It looks like there’s a huge resurgence of what I like to call “the classics”, you know…like granny panties.  Check out vintage stores, consignment shops or etsy for tons of repurposed items.  What someone else doesn’t use is your treasure.

10) Make a Mix Tape: OK, technically I was thinking of a Mix-Playlist, but there’s something about Bonnie Tyler, Simply Red and Berlin that just screams Sony Walkman to me.  Make her feel young again and make her a playlist on her I-Fillintheblank.  Pick some of her favorite music from when she was young and fresh filled with hope that she can listen to now while she’s cleaning up after your kids and doing your laundry and making your dinner…sorry, a little projecting there.  Be a mensch and play that playlist on your stereo, take her hand and ask her to dance.

If you continue to scroll down you will see the men’s list, hope this helps and have a great V-Day.

VALENTINE’S DAY TOP 10 GIFTS FOR MEN

1. Sex
2. Sex
3. Bake him cookies
4. Sex
5. Blowjob
6. Sex
7. Sex
8. Sex
9. Sex
10. Sex and then let him finish the cookies (may be substituted for Blowjob)

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