1. Memory Jar: Have you ever looked through your photo roll and realized you had forgotten all the awesome things you did this past year? Here is a fun thing to do with your family that costs no money. We keep a jar on the kitchen table (just pick a place you see everyday so you don’t forget it) and every time someone feels inclined to share a moment (good or bad) they write it down on a piece of paper and add it to the jar. It’s like a time capsule without having to dig a hole in the backyard. We’re always dropping fun dinner receipts, playbills and concert tickets in there too. Then on New Year’s Eve we dump out the papers and read them out loud. When you’re done reminiscing, you decide what’s next. You can keep the strips of paper in a box and reopen the box 10 years later, you can test out your scrapbooking skills, or even compost the paper. It’s a fun way to remember all the moments, big and small, that you share as a family and then the very next day you can start all over again. I love it so much I wrote a whole blog post about it that you can read HERE.
2. Clean Your Closet: I’m a huge fan of Joshua Becker and his website, becomingminimalist.com, and one idea I tried last year was on January 1st to turn all my hangers in my closet in the opposite direction. Throughout the year as I wear it I put it back on the hanger in a different direction. At the end of each season (unfortunately we’re down to two from the original four) I can see all the clothes I don’t wear and reassess for the following year. What do you do with all the clothes that don’t make the cut? Here are a few ideas. This way everything hanging in my closet is actually what I wear, and that’s how I managed to say goodbye to my cargo pants, shoulder pads and fitted vests.
3. Make 1 Eco-Friendly Change: The easiest way to go a little greener is to pick something you do every day and change just one thing. It’s not overwhelming and sometimes one change can work like a domino effect and lead to others. Sometimes it doesn’t and that’s ok too. Then you know you’re at least doing one thing to help the planet (and yourself). So what’s one thing you do every single day? It usually starts in the bathroom so here are my Top 5 Ways to Go Green and Save Money in Your Bathroom or Top 5 Ways to Go Green and Save Money in Your Shower.
4. Get Moving: Forget the “I’m joining a gym” New Year’s Resolution because no one goes. I shudder to think of how many gym memberships I bought in year’s past only to face the age old choice of “Do I go to the gym or to White Castle?”. My answer usually rhymed with “night hassle” so my hat’s off to those who made the healthy choice (I made the same resolution every damn year – Lucille Roberts, NY Sports Club, Sky Fitness, they all got my money but not my time). So from now on, start a revolution, not a resolution. Making real change in your life doesn’t have to be hard, just set goals that are realistic and achievable. So I have a revolution for you, it’s free and you can do it anywhere. Just start walking. Walking can help you maintain a healthy weight (or help you achieve it), strengthen your bones, increase your energy levels, improve your mood, help you sleep, improve your balance, strengthen your immune system and reduce stress.So yeah…it helps you with a few things. When I first started my walking revolution I wanted to do 10,000 steps a day, which sucked because when I started keeping track I realized I was only really doing 2,000 a day. Small changes to reach 10,000 were key. I started parking farther away from stores, running up and down my steps, pacing while on the phone, dancing while cooking dinner – anything to add movement. When I felt confident of my new routine I splurged, bought a FitBit (and you can too) and joined a group of friends in a weekly competition. It has completely changed my life and the best part, my friends and I are all getting healthy together. And like sex, the faster and more frequently you do it the greater the benefits, but usually with less mess.
5. Learn Something New Every Day: I’m a follower of Jim Kwik. I listen to his podcast, read his book Limitless and even took one of his reading courses which changed the way I thought about reading. His idea is that if an author takes years of their life to research a topic, become an expert, and then write a book about it and I can take one week to read that book I’ve just learned all that information in a very short amount of time. Time is our most precious resource because you can never get it back. Do I binge watch mindless TV? Yup! Do I read sappy romance novels? Hello, every single Nicholas Sparks book with a box of tissues. BUT I also really like to read (if I find a book I’m into I can’t put it down). In the last 15 years I’ve put reading low on my to do list and now that my kids are older and I have a little more me time, I vowed to read a book a week. That was my 2022 goal. Did I fall short of my goal? Yup, I only read 23 books, but I read more last year than I read the year before. That means I cried a little more (Nicholas Sparks released Dreamland), I read a young adult book with my daughter so we would have our own book club, I learned about ways to keep my dogs healthy, I reread a classic (Slaughterhouse Five), learned about our planet (thank you Neil deGrasse Tyson), read a bunch of books on investing and even read books to research a book I plan to write…and honestly, I read some of these books while walking on the treadmill. All in all, not bad for failing at my yearly goal. But the best part is I will be instituting “Ellen’s 52 in 2023 Book Revolution”, this is my year to read a book a week. And for those of you who just can’t find the time to sit down uninterrupted (or semi-interrupted) with a book, fear not…there’s an app for that. You can listen to audio books, watch YouTube videos (subscribe to my channel), have a documentary playing in the background while you’re working around the house, watch a TED Talk, pick up a new hobby or language, listen to a podcast, the ways to learn are endless.

I should have titled this article “The Last 5” but that sounds a bit more like the ending to Thelma and Louise and that’s not the vibe I’m going for. I’m always interested in learning how people plan on bringing in the new year (#5 – learn something new every day), so don’t be shy. Let me know what your 2023 revolution looks like and how you’re going to kick the new year right in the ass.

The post Goodbye 2022…Helloooooooo 2023 appeared first on Living Clean and Dirty.

Well…

Yes, we all love movies, but we almost never agree on which one to watch. One daughter loves rom-com, another daughter likes sci-fi, hubby likes action, and for me, if it wasn’t made in the 80s then I’ll pass. So you would think it would take some sort of romantic, butt-kicking space pirate in a Duran Duran muscle shirt to unite this movie-loving family.

As it turned out we just needed an astrophysicist.

I was so excited to see Neil deGrasse Tyson at the Tilles Center for the Performing Arts at LIU Post because my hubby and I are HUGE fans. We read his books, watch his documentaries and listen to his podcast so I knew we had to see his show in person. What I didn’t expect was how much my two teenage daughters were going to love it. I had a feeling my sci-fi-loving daughter would like him but wasn’t too sure about the rom-com kid. Luckily his show was an entertaining, fun breakdown of how our favorite movies got the science right and how some got it wrong. The Wizard of Oz, Game of Thrones, Harry Potter, The Lion King, and even Love Story (yup rom-coms have science in them) was explained. We watched clips, learned a little science and math and he even chatted up the audience with some fun back and forth.

The show was great but what was even better was seeing it at the Tilles Center for the Performing Arts at LIU Post. We usually have to trek into Manhattan for an experience like this but being only a short car ride away with plenty of parking made for a fun movie-lover night without the movie (or the traffic). The stadium seating held about 2,000 and guaranteed that there wasn’t a bad seat in the house. The show was interactive, thought-provoking, and really quite funny.

We went a bit early, grabbed a drink at the bar, and listened to a live local band playing before the show. I even got to dance a bit and totally embarrass my kids. Don’t worry if movies or science aren’t your thing, the Tilles Center really does have something for everyone. So if you’re looking for a fun date night or family bonding time (like we did) make sure to check out their awesome upcoming schedule.

Future Events:

• January 7: Space Oddity – The David Bowie Experience
• January 10: Dancing with the Stars
• January 27: America
• January 28: The Tortoise and the Hare
• January 29: Nai-Ni Chen Dance Company
• February 18: Lviv National Philharmonic
• March 7: A Conversation with Trevor Noah
• March 17: Wings Dublin Irish Dance
• March 18: The Sicilian Tenors
• March 19: Patti LuPone – Don’t Monkey with Broadway

About the Tilles Center for the Performing Arts at LIU Post:

Tilles Center for the Performing Arts at LIU Post in Brookville, is Long Island’s premier concert hall. For almost 40 years, Tilles Center has been host to more than 70 performances each season by world-renowned artists in music, theater and dance. Tilles Center was the first to bring the New York Philharmonic to Long Island and Bruce Springsteen’s legendary “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town” was recorded onsite.

Tilles Center is located at LIU Post, 720 Northern Blvd in Brookville, NY. For more information on how to purchase tickets, call 516-299-3100.

Tilles Center provided my family with complimentary tickets for the purpose of this review. We absolutely loved going and all opinions expressed are my own.  

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So before you start asking “Ellen, is this really an article about zombies, Brad Pitt or your fear of being bloated?” Well, for the record it’s not about any of these things, but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t seen Thelma and Louise at least a dozen times.

So, my real problem with zombie movies is me. I know if I was the main character I’d just give up. It just looks too hard to keep fighting and for what…you know in the end you’re either going to end up being a zombie or end up being lunch. Why fight it? Well, shit…now I feel awful about myself. I’m a bad-ass mom, I eat healthy, I own a treadmill and a cute workout outfit. In the face of overwhelming odds, am I really quitter? Don’t I want to be the cute, plucky superhero who saves the world and doesn’t treat their family like a 3-pack of TV dinners? I feel like these are valuable, yet oddly specific questions I have to ask myself. In the face of what may feel like an overwhelming crisis are you going to be Brad Pitt or are you going to be lunch? (although if being Brad Pitt’s lunch was an option I might change my answer)

Ok, a bit dramatic and I fully acknowledge that I’m not a superhero (although I have been known to pull off a decent Wonder Woman and a kick-ass Batgirl during Halloween). So while zombies are not (yet) a thing, there is a very real crisis that is actually sweeping the planet. It’s our very own real life World War C (it’s for Climate and unfortunately not for Cookie, because I might fight all of you for the last cookie). We need to realize that it’s no longer Climate Change – it’s more like Climate Already Changed. It’s not coming…it’s here. In my head I’ve combined the onslaught of a wave of zombies and my anxiety about Climate Change into an eco-boogey-man-mega-monster I have dubbed Climombies. And just like that beautiful scarf-wearing man I’m going to fight like hell and I’m going to do my best to drag you all along with me. Right now California and Montana are on fire, icebergs are melting, Europe is hotter than hell, Kentucky has too much water and Mississippi doesn’t have any, it’s time to go to work!

“But Ellen, I’m only one person, how many lights would I need to turn off during the day to make a real difference?”  Well, I’m here to tell you that the answer is…just one and tell a friend to turn off one too. If they tell a friend and that friend tells a friend then that’s how we beat the Climombies. I don’t want to be lunch, I want to be one of the green heroes we need right now and you can be one too (mask and costume are optional…but they definitely make some activities more fun.).

I started writing this blog before they called it “eco-anxiety” back in 2014 when it didn’t have a name. Well, 7 years later it has a name and now instead of letting the Climombies win by just lying down and getting eaten (metaphorically of course), I wanted to fight back. The time for talking is over. We are way past turning off lights when we leave a room and recycling your tin cans. These things are still important, but I want to talk about the next level of being eco-friendly. I like to give you tips and examples to make you say “huh, I never even thought of that”. I’m not going to tell you to go buy a Tesla or remind you that toilet paper has 2 sides, but if this was a zombie movie then we are at the start of the third act where shit starts getting real.

Whether you want to believe it or not the planet is hurting and it seems to be fighting back. We’re the ones who need to change, but it doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your way of life. With some simple “next-level” changes to our lives we can really make a big difference, and BONUS…save money at the same time.

Make no mistake, I’m not trying to sell you anything or make you feel bad that you use plastic straws or that you don’t always recycle. I’m here to tell you that climate change sucks and it’s ok to be pissed and afraid and you’re not alone. Unfortunately, Brad Pitt isn’t going to save the day, we are. Stay on the journey with me or join it for the first time now and if we all just put in a little bit of work then we can be the change we’ve been so desperately waiting for.

Think of it like using a bidet, sometimes all it takes is a slight adjustment to get the job done.

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Well, have you heard the one that starts with “A woman walks into a room…”? Because if I’m the woman, then half the time I have no idea why I walked into the room in the first place. I’m a smart girl, drink plenty of water, eat right, get my rest and keep my stress low, but dammit my memory is CRAP!

Pick a room in my house and I’ve actually whispered aloud “why did I come in here” at least a dozen times in each of them.

20 years ago I blamed it on Mommy-Brain, but I think now there’s another “M” at play.

Mumps? Measles? Mad Cow disease?

Nope, according to the calendar I have arrived at Menopause station. All aboard…next stops are  vaginal dryness, night sweats and wait for it…memory problems.

Let’s put all the other symptoms to the side for now and focus on the hunk of Swiss Cheese I now refer to as my memory.  I actually stop in the middle of doing stuff because I can’t remember why I started doing it in the first place. Sometimes I will be mid-sentence and then all of a sudden it’s gone. And as far as people’s names go, I would definitely have an easier time if everyone in my life wore nametags or just responded warmly to “Hey…you”

You know how your phone fills up with pictures, videos, test messages until things stop working correctly until you start deleting and making some space? I’m convinced my brain also has a tiny little memory card that can hold only a certain number of things and then it drops one to add one.

• If I remember your name, I’ll forget my address.
• If I remember to do the laundry, I’ll forget to pick the kids up at school.
• If I remember to stop at the store for bread, I risk forgetting to take my pants off before I start peeing.

You get the idea…it’s awful. Why do women have to get it? I know men have something similar but for crying out loud it says MEN right in the name!!!

Since I can’t remember what I ate for lunch, it’s not a stretch to figure that I’m not going to remember all the day-to-day experiences I had with my family this past year. Even in the year of Covid, we still managed to laugh, to cry and even had an adventure or two.  I never want to forget family movie nights watching “old” movies like Sixteen Candles, Protocol, Jaws, Rocky Horror Picture Show, or my favorite Alien (a little slow but still holds up and Sigourney Weaver is a total bad ass at any age, although my girls knew her as the Ghostbusters lady – another family movie night classic). We visited Old Westbury Gardens for their Shimmering Solstice light show. I bought a Tesla, we went to a wedding and I grew closer to a cousin I barely knew. This was also the year I experienced my older daughter’s first driving lesson (part of me wouldn’t mind forgetting that). I watched my husband receive 2 Emmy’s for his incredible work in television. And who wouldn’t want to forget the look on my older daughter’s face during her first driving lesson. I, on the other hand, have been trying very hard to forget it.

I want to remember all of it, the good and the bad. Menopause may have given me sore boobs and taken away my ability to have a good night’s sleep but my memories are off limits.  My hubby is constantly telling me we need to back up our phones so we don’t lose anything, so I decided to take that a step further. So before my Hard Drive became a Floppy Disk I came up with a plan.

Enter the memory jar. When I first read about this idea, my post menopausal brain did a happy dance. This is the perfect way to fill in all the blank spaces and a fun thing to do with my family that costs no money. The value is in the experience, not the purchases my dear readers.

We keep a jar on the kitchen table (it’s a thick glass square jar that I think held flowers at my wedding 20 years ago. But with my memory, I may have shoplifted it from Home Goods last week…who knows?) and every time someone feels inclined to share a moment (good or bad) they write it down on a piece of paper and add it to the jar. It’s like a time capsule but without all the burial dirt, thanks to our dogs Han and Leia there is never a shortage of dirt in the house already.

Then on New Year’s Eve we dump out the papers and read them out loud. It’s fun because even the rest of my family who aren’t in menopause forget about this stuff too. So whether you are reading this in January, July or November it’s never too late to start backing up your memories and preparing a fun surprise for the whole family on New Year’s Eve. When you’re done reminiscing keep the strips of paper in a box, scrapbook, display it all in a shadow box, shred it, or compost the paper. It’s a fun way to remember all the moments, big and small, that you share as a family and then the next New Year’s Day you start again.

If your family is like mine they embraced the idea right from the start.

• “Do we have to. I hate to write.”
• “Why do I have to do this? I remember everything just fine.”
• “I don’t have menopause. This is stupid.”

But it never fails, after we read through the whole jar they are singing a different tune.

• “This was so much fun, I’m glad we did this.”
• “Thanks mom, that was a great idea.”
• “I don’t have menopause. This is stupid, but I guess it was fun.”

I hold back my “I told you so” and my “I knew you would have fun” and just silently gloat like a good mom. Getting older isn’t awesome, I’m still HOT but it just comes in flashes now and I may find myself in the garage holding a spatula and a bottle of nail polish trying to figure out what the original plan was. Our memories and experiences are how we document this journey and in many ways it’s the best part. Looking back at those experiences with my family and reliving them as we prepare for a brand new year is my favorite “M”…Magnificent.

The post Was I writing about menopause? I can’t remember. appeared first on Living Clean and Dirty.

• The average person has 148 pieces of clothing.
• Clothes can take up to 40 years to decompose
• The amount of money people spend on clothes, footwear and jewelry each year is equivalent to the combined GDP of the 126 poorest countries in the world.
• Aristotle coined the phrase “does a bear shit in the woods” which centuries later led to Disney artists never drawing Winnie the Pooh with pants
• It takes 700 gallons of water to make a cotton shirt.

My point being, we spend a lot of time, energy and money on clothing. I have to admit I’m a bit of a clothes hoarder myself. I have a monstrous bedroom closet in my home that my husband built for me. It’s like having a studio apartment attached to my bedroom and I fill it to the gills. I’d always treated my clothes well, so my Benetton sweaters, my Merry-Go-round tops and the Z. Cavariccis I picked up from Contempo Casuals still look good enough to be worn today (or if I ever travel backwards in time).

This is a very roundabout way of saying I have a boatload of clothes and it was time to clean house…or closet in this case. Think of a colonoscopy, but for your closet…a closet-oscopy.

I have what one might call a sprinkling of OCD, especially when it comes to home organization.  The cans in my pantry all face the correct way and are of course organized by food group. My spices are all sorted first by height and then alphabetically. My jackets are organized by temperature needed to wear and my socks are organized by thickness. You know…the usual organizational stuff. This is a sharp contrast to my husband who organizes his clothes in what I would classify as “a pile”.

So when I decided to tackle my overstuffed closet, I had to take a deep breath, roll up my sleeves and move past the obsession to have everything looking perfect.

Intrigued yet? Still wondering which “truth” was a lie? Do you know what the Pareto Principle is? Keep reading and all shall be revealed.

We all know what the Pareto Principle is, we just know it by another name.  No, it’s not that Janet Jackson song…that’s the Pleasure Principle from her studio album Control that ironically I bought from Sam Goody at the mall while I was waiting for my boyfriend at the time to come out of Chess King (yes, Chess King). The Pareto Principle is the 80/20 theory that you can apply to almost anything. “80% of the time I wear 20% of my clothes”. That equates to a lot of clothes that I didn’t like, didn’t want to be seen out with and just wanted to get rid of (much like my Chess King boyfriend at the end of that relationship back in the 80s).

Yeah, I’m looking at you shoulder-padded power suit. You may have looked good on the Golden Girls but I think it’s time to put you out on the Lanai for good. I’m also looking at you, denim overalls with the built in fanny pack. Sure you made me look like a hot Canadian Kangaroo at the time, but I don’t think the look is coming back. I also think it’s time to finally retire my collection of velour tracksuits that were some cross-breed of the Six Million Dollar Man and Grandma’s couch cushions.

Here’s my rule…I’m only going to keep clothes that I can fit into, outfits that that I love, and anything that makes me feel like the queen that I am.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m keeping my sweats, my PJ pants with superheroes on it and my favorite ratty old college hoodie. I want to be comfy at home and on the occasional quick grocery run, but the rest needs to go.

So I want to declutter, keep my OCD in check, and unload my unwanteds without them ending up in the landfill. No problem…I got this (with the help of some calming deep breaths)!

First, I’m turning all my hangers so they are facing out. The thought of doing this made my eye twitch because with my touch of OCD all my hangers face in and all my clothes are hung in the “proper” direction. Deep breath in for 5, hold for 7, breathe out for 8.

The next step almost put me in full-blown panic mode. When you wear something and put it back you turn the hanger facing in (the opposite of all the other hangers). You do this for months. Months of walking into your closet and all the hangers are facing different directions. I actually vomit a little in my mouth at the thought of this. Take another deep breath in for 5, hold it for 7, and breathe out for 8.

After the season changes you can see everything you didn’t wear (all the backward hangers). There are some things you didn’t wear that you should keep. I have fancy dresses for Black Tie affairs, sun dresses for parties and an interview suit I might need someday (I love blogging but you never know). Everything else you can sell or donate. Remember your ugly brown jacket might be someone else’s treasure.

I know change is scary (so are hangers facing in all directions), but like cleaning out the garage, the hardest part is getting started.  Every day you put on a different pair of pants and a different shirt. If it doesn’t fit and you haven’t worn it, it’s time to go. Those jeans you haven’t worn in 10 years because you might suddenly become a size 2 again, get rid of them. That interview suit from the 1990s that’s a “classic” but has bigger shoulder pads than a NFL linebacker has to go.

When I say “has to go” I don’t mean throw out. Give your clothes another life. Need some ideas…you know I got you covered.

thredUp:

This is an “online consignment and thrift store for your closet, your wallet, and the planet.” I always save money buying from thredUp (and even score some brand new items with the tags still on). Now that you’re decluttering your closet, you can check their website for items they accept, load up a box (recycle one that you have) and print out a free shipping label. Once it sells, you can use the credit to buy clothing from them OR cash out. They also have donation kits if you don’t want the cash or credit but want to clean out your closet sustainably.

Knickey:

When you ditch your dainties they end up in a landfill. That’s not ideal, but it’s still a bit skeevie to donate your skiddy skivvies and not many organizations would accept these items (ewww gross factor). Knickey has a Recycling Program and turns them into new materials like insulation, carpet padding and furniture batting. They take underwear, bras, socks and tights (even men’s and kids) and even reward you. They’ll add a free pair of their undies to your next order.

Local Donation Bins:

Many organizations take gently used clothing to give away or sell in their thrift stores which sponsors their programs. Search “local donation centers” and you’ll find places near you. Also, check out grocery store parking lots, fire houses, or big national chain stores. Often times there are collection bins where you can drop your items.

Give to a Friend:

For years I didn’t buy clothes for my kids because my best friend’s girls were slightly older than mine and always one or two sizes ahead. Sharing clothes with other families is a great way to get more use out of them especially when kids are little and they wear something once and seem to outgrow it the very next day.

Old Shoes:

Soles4Souls:

This organization takes new or gently worn clothing and shoes. If you don’t have a local drop off location they’ve teamed up with Zappos for Good and you can box up your shoes and send them with prepaid shipping labels.

Local Consignment Shop/Thrift Store:

We have a local consignment shop that carries many designer and high end brands.

• Always wanted a Gucci belt but couldn’t pay retail?
• Have you drooled over a Prada bag?
• Ever dreamed of owning a Chanel?

Now you can. Many luxury consignment shops carry pre-owned, authenticated designer items at a fraction of its retail cost. You’re getting a great price for a classic item and if you have designer goods that you no longer wear you can sell them and at least get some money back.

I also have a local thrift store that donates all the proceeds to a local animal shelter. Talk about a win-win. I get rid of my stuff which gets used by someone else and I help homeless animals. BAM!

And speaking of homeless animals, I still don’t know why Winnie the Pooh never wore pants, and I’m pretty sure Aristotle didn’t know either. What I do know is that one of my favorite quotes fits this whole closet-cleaning adventure perfectly:

“Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.”

Turns out the river has the right idea. My closet didn’t get this out of control overnight, so it wasn’t going to get cleaned out overnight either. Sometimes the hardest part is simply getting started. Once you do, the rest has a funny way of taking care of itself.

The post It’s time for your Closet-oscopy appeared first on Living Clean and Dirty.

My version of the perfect Mother’s Day doesn’t involve fancy dinners, chocolates or extravagant gifts. It’s sleeping late, not cooking a single meal (or doing the dishes), and celebrating the original mother, Mother Earth, by spending the day outside in the garden.

Misspelled cards and Picasso-esque drawings from my kids over the years will always have a special place in my heart, but as my girls are now in their teens (please pray for me, or at the very least send wine), the gift of spending time with them is just as precious. While not as Earthy-Crunchy as I am, at least not yet, my girls have definitely embraced some of my eco-friendly ways and joined me on my journey.

I’ve become a newly self-proclaimed minimalist, I have a new kitchen goal, and I’m no longer driving a hybrid. Is your interest piqued? Well, you’ll have to keep watching as I’ll get to those stories in future articles, but for now let me present my gift from one mom to another.

Let yourself be a bit selfish this Mother’s Day. We’ve earned it, ladies, and we keep earning it every day whether you’re changing diapers, need your own diaper changed, or you’re somewhere in between. I’ll admit there are some pretty terrific store-bought gifts out there, but if you’re a regular reader of mine then you shouldn’t be surprised that I’m giving you my TOP 10 FREE things you can do right now to save money and save Mama Earth.

1 – Next to my kitchen sink is a pitcher. Don’t go out and buy one. Trust me, you’ve got something right now that’s collecting dust and will work perfectly. A big glass, a vase, a water pitcher, a bowl your kids made you for a past Mother’s Day, or even that goldfish bowl you bought even though the poor guy only made it two days. Really anything that will hold water. Throughout the day there’s so much extra water I never use. The water my kids didn’t drink, water left in a measuring cup or pot, or even ice that fell on the floor. Instead of pouring it down the drain, I dump it in my pitcher and when it’s full I use it to water my plants. Save money on your water bill and don’t let perfectly good water go to waste.

2 – Become that weird person who demands everyone take their shoes off at the front door. I swear every time someone asked me to do it I’d roll my eyes (behind their back. I’m not that rude) while taking off my shoes. Yep, now you can roll your eyes at me. Not tracking dirt and debris into the house helps reduce indoor toxins and keeps your floors cleaner. Between my two kids, my two dogs and my hubby, there’s a lot of outdoors that ends up indoors. I used to go through vacuum bags like potato chips at a Grateful Dead concert, so this one’s a no-brainer. Less dirt, less vacuuming, less money spent. Win, win, win.

3 – Join me in My Year of Clear. Confused? That’s what I called it when I woke up and decided to keep only the things I love, use or are sentimental. Everything else goes. Not to the landfill of course. Don’t be ridiculous. All that stuff you’re saving “just in case?” Let me be your blunt friend. I know you have the best intentions, but you’re never going to use it. If you haven’t touched it in a year, you probably don’t need it. Sell it on eBay, Craigslist or Facebook Marketplace and make a few bucks, or donate it to a local thrift store that supports a nonprofit. Your trash really can become someone else’s treasure, and you’ll have a little extra room to dance around your newly decluttered house.

4 – Did you know your clothes get just as clean using cold water? Yep. You’ll save money on your energy bill, your clothes will stay looking newer longer and you’ll help the planet. BAM. All in one. And if you want to take it one eco-step further, check out THIS ARTICLE and see how I ditched laundry detergent and now my clothes (and my washer and dryer) have never smelled better.

5 – This Mother’s Day I’ve set a huge personal goal for myself. Read one book a week. If you’re a reader like me, there’s no way I’m buying all those books to read once and then stick on a shelf like some strange literary trophy. My local library always has enough to keep me entertained, and they even print on the receipt how much money you’ve saved by borrowing instead of buying.

6 – “Turn the goddamn lights off!” Ahhhh…this brings me back. If I had a dollar for every time my dad yelled that at me, I could probably buy a small island. Like Staten Island. Turning off the lights inside the house is easy enough, but it seems like some of my neighbors grew up in a very different household because they leave their outside lights on all night. Now far be it from me to judge. If you’re one of them, I totally get it. (Nope…I’m silently judging you.) If you feel like you need to leave them on, at least invest in a timer. It’ll save energy and money. Unless, of course, you own the electric company. Then I guess carry on.

7 – Did you know you can turn the heat off in your dishwasher? Many even have an air-dry option that lets your dishes dry naturally. I always run mine at night, so if they take a little longer to dry it doesn’t matter.

8 – I have a neighbor I absolutely adore, but he’s a neat freak. Every Saturday he unrolls his garden hose and washes his driveway. Especially in the spring. If he grabbed a broom instead, he’d finish faster, save money on his water bill and conserve the wet stuff. (Note to self: Send sidewalk chalk to his kids and tell them to draw Mom a Happy Mother’s Day message on the driveway.)

9 – Saving water is probably the easiest thing you can do right now to help both your wallet and the planet. Take a shower instead of a bath. Don’t leave the water running while brushing your teeth or washing dishes. And always try to shower with a buddy. (In my case, my hubby.) And remember…a Retriever can be Golden, a Willy Wonka ticket can be Golden, and Rose, Dorothy, Blanche and Sophia should always be Golden. But I’d recommend keeping the Golden out of your shower for two.

10 – If you’re not using rooms in your house, close the heating and cooling vents to help reduce your energy costs and improve efficiency.

So to all the mothers, grandmothers and hard-working ladies out there, enjoy your day. Do something nice for yourself and for the Earth. Check back often for more helpful ideas and be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a thing.

That’s it for me today. I’m off to do some gardening and maybe, if my hubby plays his cards right, there’ll be a shower for two in his future.

The post Make it a MOM-entous day appeared first on Living Clean and Dirty.

Somewhere during “not hot” season we cram Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas and Kwanzaa into about five weeks. I can only speak for those of the Hebrew persuasion, but I’m guessing the other holidays come with their own family drama, stress and at least one awkward conversation nobody wanted to have.

Thanksgiving always makes me laugh. We spend an entire day talking about how grateful we are for everything we already have, then less than twenty-four hours later we’re elbowing strangers in a store trying to buy more stuff we probably don’t need. We’ve all seen it over the years. Cabbage Patch Kids. Tickle Me Elmo. Razor Scooters. Fingerlings.

I know because I spent December of 2017 calling every toy store within driving distance asking, “Hi…do you have any Fingerlings left?” To which my husband, being my husband, immediately informed me it’s never too late for a good fingerling. I hate how much I laughed at that.

The point is, we’re a society of gift givers, but the older I get the more I think we’re shopping for the wrong things. Most gifts fall into one of two categories. They’re either completely forgettable, or they’re so awful the recipient starts wondering if you even know them at all.

Some of my favorite gifts over the years haven’t been things at all. They’ve been experiences. A Broadway show. A concert. A weekend away. A cooking class. An afternoon wandering through a museum. The “stuff” eventually ends up in a closet, a garage sale or a landfill. The memories somehow stick around.

So in the spirit of giving I’m going to give you my 20 (for 2020) ideas of Gifts of Experience for family and friends, young and old, that aren’t just for the Wintry season.  These gift ideas can be given all year round and not just for special occasions, but sometimes just because giving somebody a bad-ass gift just makes you awesome.

1) Tickets to a Show (Comedy, Theatre, Symphony, Opera)
2) Tickets to a Professional Sports Event
3) Passes to a Local Amusement Park or Local Water Park
4) Music Lessons
5) Art Lessons
6) Sports Lessons
7) Equipment for Sports: Skis, Basketball, Baseball, Helmets, Skates
8) Museum Membership
9) Zoo Membership
10) Aquarium Membership
11) Tickets to a Holiday Light Show
12) Movie Gift Cards
13) National and State Park Pass
14) A Weekend Trip Away/Vacation
15) Concert Tickets
16) Laser Tag/Escape Room/Mini Golf/Bounce Place/Indoor Skydiving
17) Pottery Painting Event/Paint Your Own Pallet Board Night
18) Family Photo Shoot
19) Baking/Cooking Class
20) Dance Lessons

Will everyone remember every gift they got this year? Probably not. But they’ll remember laughing their way through an escape room, singing at the top of their lungs at a concert or spending a Saturday learning how to make homemade pasta. Those are the kinds of gifts that last.

Here’s wishing you a happy, healthy New Year, as little family drama as possible and a whole lot more memories than Amazon boxes.

The post Surviving the holidays is truly a miracle appeared first on Living Clean and Dirty.

If you’re like me, you read that in Don LaFontaine’s voice.  Did I lose you with that reference? Basically, if you’ve ever seen a movie trailer in your life then you have heard his voice.  He was the “In A World…” guy who narrated 5,000 movie trailers over the past 40 years.  There’s your rare super-random fact of the day.

Anyway, let me get back to my story…

This isn’t a sappy romance story, this isn’t a mystery thriller, and it sure as hell isn’t a story about a future utopia where computers cater to our every whim.  Quite the opposite, this is a story of the day the water came in and the lights went out.

Was that dramatic enough? Are you compelled to keep reading? Of course it was and of course you are.  Now to be fair, this wasn’t the worst day I’ve ever had. There’s currently a 3-way tie in that category and if we were to give them titles they would be “And this is why we always leave the house wearing panties”, “Funny, this almost tastes like pee” and “Jesus Dad, close the door, no, I’m not masturbating”.

Maybe I should refer to this particular day as a “momentous” day. It was the day that made me embrace gratitude and that one simple shift changed everything. EVERYTHING. So I live on Long Island (emphasis on Island) and a few years back we experienced mother nature’s equivalent to a fist in the ass…while she was wearing a watch…and some sort of jeweled bracelet…and possibly a fitbit. Rather than refer to it as “The Great Fisting of 2012” let’s be slightly more mature and refer to it as “Getting Sandy-ed”. We went from living our everyday New York life to a page right out of Amish Homes & Gardens (“In A World where the Amish published a weekly lifestyle magazine…”).

No power, no heat/hot water, no cars, no internet, no porn, nothing. 27 inches of water came rushing through my house and made it virtually unlivable in a matter of hours. The next morning we stood amidst the wreckage of our flooded house, ruined cars and decimated neighborhood; I did the only thing that a rational person would do in this situation…I cried. I cried every single day, my poor hubby was trying to keep everyone and everything together and I sobbed like a baby. I cried like Sally Field in Steel Magnolias after Shelby died.  I cried like Drew Barrymore after getting egged in Never Been Kissed. I cried like everyone in the audience watching Bangkok Dangerous starring of course, Nicolas Cage.

My entire world was turned upside down, I was so overwhelmed and just felt like things would never be normal again. How would we ever get our lives (and our house) back to normal?  I would have lucid moments of getting my shit back together but became so disappointed with myself the water works would start all over again. I was a mess.

About a week later, I had learned my neighbor had set up a makeshift kitchen in her house and there was a strong possibility there would be coffee. I brushed my teeth, which represented the only form of hygiene that my current lifestyle would allow and promised myself I wouldn’t cry.  I made it across the street and almost through her front door before the tears started coming.  She will always have a special place in my heart for the advice she gave me that day.  I walked into her home like a sobbing hot mess, she could clearly see the pain on my face and knew I wasn’t coping with our situation.  She poured me a paper cup full of freshly brewed coffee, looked me in the eye and spoke the words that changed my life.  “Oh for fuck’s sake enough already. Stop crying.”

My first thought was “Bitch, give me my coffee and you’re a shitty friend. I’ll “C” “U” Next Tuesday” (that’s a classy way of calling someone a cunt, Mom raised me right). After I had my first sip of morning Java in almost 170 hours I started to see the wisdom in her kind words.  She was right, all this crying bullshit was getting me was a puffy face. When you don’t shower for a week and you’re living in Amish-pocalypse, red swollen eyes just makes everything worse. That night in early November of 2012 when I went to bed I was still filthy and unshowered but it was the first night of my new “shift” towards gratitude. I closed my eyes tight (which made things worse because I could hear the scratching of mice from somewhere in the nightmare that was my house) and concentrated. All I had to do was find one thing I was grateful for that day. I needed to sift through all the bullshit, all the frustration and all the feelings of hopelessness and find a single positive thing to grab on to.  For a caffeine junkie like me the choice was easy, I was grateful for that cup of coffee.

…The next day I was grateful that the FEMA representative came to our house

…The day after I was grateful that my friend drove in from Westchester just to pick up my laundry for me.

…The day after that I was grateful that our auto insurance processed our claim and scheduled a time to tow away our cars.

You get the idea.

It took a long time to get our lives back to normal, but we did.  In many ways our home is even better than it was before and so is my outlook on the world. Hey, there’s something else to be grateful for!

Every night I’ve ALWAYS found at least one thing to be grateful for. Some days it’s simple like the cup of coffee or a convenient parking spot. Other days it’s more “serious” like the day my father died. What could I be grateful for that night? I was grateful that he was my dad and I had him in my life to play silly games with me as a child, teach me how to balance a checkbook as a teen and walk me down the aisle as a bride to be. There’s ALWAYS something to be grateful for. What I love about gratitude is that you can be grateful anytime, anywhere, and it’s always free of charge. Studies have shown that there are tons of health benefits to practicing gratitude like improving your physical health, making you more empathetic, helping you to sleep better, increasing your self-esteem and of course it’s awesome for your mental health. I read that on the internet so it’s obviously true.

My girls have even gotten in on the act as “what are you grateful for” is part of our bedtime routine.  I do have to admit that their gratefuls tend to be a little jarring sometimes. “My tummy has been hurting me for like 2 days and tonight I finally pooped, so I feel a ton better.”  That wasn’t one of theirs that was actually mine but seriously I felt a lot better.  So one of my daughters hit me with “I’m grateful for this girl in school who isn’t very nice to me”. I was confused why this fell into the grateful category but she went on “She’s not nice to a lot of my friends either and I’m grateful because she shows me the kind of person I don’t want to be” (Gets you right in the feels, doesn’t it).  Not to be outdone by her sister, my other daughter tells me “Well, I’m grateful that there is a Hell and that Hitler is in it burning for all eternity”.  I told her that there might not be a Hell, but there is a Cleveland which is pretty close and maybe he’s there.

So that’s today’s story.  Will it change the world? No, probably not but sprinkling in a little daily gratitude will definitely change the way you look at it.  Oh don’t get me wrong…I totally have shitty days and sometimes it’s a struggle to come up with my daily gratitude, but I always find something.  I believe we can all find something big or small to be grateful for each day.  And just remember, at the end of the day if you find yourself struggling for your moment of gratitude, sometimes just making it to the end of the day is as gratitude-worthy as that “2012 Apocalypse-Blend” cup of coffee in a paper cup.

The post Gratitude…freshly brewed in a paper cup appeared first on Living Clean and Dirty.

Hi, my name is Emma and I’m a 14-year-old 8th grader at Oceanside Middle School. My mom loves to tell the story that while she was pregnant with me she saw Wicked on Broadway with her parents and my dad. Legend has it that this was the moment when my love of all things Broadway began.

On what started as a completely normal school day, a friend of mine walked up to me and started telling me about a show called Hadestown. I was intrigued and after doing some background research, I knew this was a show I wanted to see. I asked my mom about getting tickets and a few short weeks later I was on my way (with my dad) to see the marvel that was Hadestown. The musical was fantastic and I highly recommend it for any Broadway fan.

The songs were well written, but what made them spectacular was the actors singing them for all the audience to hear. They were all so talented and there wasn’t a single song I didn’t enjoy. The choreography mixed with the music so well and gave life to each number. If I had to pick a favorite character that I connected to it was Our Lady of the Underground, Persephone.

Persephone was an interesting and charming addition to the cast and wowed the crowd with her humor and love for humanity. As the goddess of Spring, I thought she would be sweet and innocent, but her time with Hades made Persephone into a wonderful woman full of fire and contradiction. Her character was brought to life by Amber Gray, who did a wonderful job of approaching the character with the mindset of someone who is beautiful and kind, but with a bit of a dark side. I loved her interactions with the other characters. I won’t spoil anything for you but her scenes with Hades (played by the wonderful Patrick Page) and her scenes with Orpheus and Eurydice’s situation (played by Reeve Carney and Eva Noblezada respectively) show such an incredible range.

She is an absolute wonder and I left the theatre singing her songs excited to tell my friends what an amazing experience I had at Hadestown. But NOW you don’t have to take just MY word that this is an amazing show. Hadestown received 14 Tony Award nominations which made it the most nominated show of 2019 including Best Musical.

To purchase tickets click HERE.

Hadestown provided my family with two complimentary tickets for the purpose of this review. My daughter LOVED this show and said, “This is my favorite show of ALL time.” This is saying A LOT and all opinions expressed in this review are her own. Hubby had a great time and loved the daddy-daughter bonding experience. 

The post Hadestown…A Hell of a Good Time appeared first on Living Clean and Dirty.

When it comes to parenting, my husband has a primary goal. “It’s our job as parents to teach you how to exist in society”. I personally think keeping them out of the adult film industry should rank slightly higher but I get where he’s coming from. All the life lessons we struggled through to get where we are now are the greatest gifts we can give to our children. Sure, there’s plenty they have to experience on their own but any leg up we can give them, in my opinion, is worth it. Now to be fair, just like 80s fashion choices you can’t have the good without some of the bad (acid wash jeans, really?). They certainly pick up our bad habits and “colorful” language but hopefully they pick up more of what we have to offer that’s, let’s say, “socially appropriate”.

As a mom I think for the most part I have my shit together. Oh don’t get me wrong, I get frustrated and lose it just like the next sleep-deprived mom out there. I’ve mouthed the words “Karma’s going to get you someday” when my kid’s back was turned but I try to keep my mini meltdowns on the DL. As an avid yoga fan, when one of my kids start pushing all the wrong buttons I remind myself to breathe. My yoga instructor calls it “Take 5”. Five breaths in and 5 breaths out – to the count of 5. It calms my inner demon and probably keeps Child Services out of my house. Five In Five Out…FIFO.

While both of my kids present hubby and me with unique challenges, it’s my younger daughter who definitely needs more “managing”.   Her spirit animal is apparently the Hulk and honestly if she was born first she would probably be an only child.   I love her to the moon and back, but sometimes I want to move to the moon just to get a break from her.

They say patience is a virtue, they also say cleanliness is a virtue and she doesn’t have that one either. She will go from zero to frustrated almost instantly and change from Norman Rockwell to Norman Bates. How could such a cute little girl turn into such a witch? My first thought obviously was to blame myself. Did I scream too much in childbirth? Was I demanding too much? Is this how Hitler’s mother felt? She would literally blow her stack right in front of me. I tried ignoring her screaming meltdowns watching in horror expecting her head to spin around and vomit pea soup…that didn’t help. I’ve taken away her iPad and her computer…that didn’t help either. I took away every single stuffed animal and toy in her room, but then guiltily left her one to sleep with. She brought it into my bedroom, threw it on the floor and said “you forgot one” (true story)…so obviously none of this was working. To make things worse, her temper was becoming contagious and was turning me into a banshee where I would start screaming back at her. Five In Five Out…FIFO was the only thing that kept me sane.

Nothing was working and although my good natured mommy friends assured me this was just a stage, I knew that I couldn’t listen to this shit for years or worse…let it continue and have a teenaged Attila the Hun under my roof. My only saving grace was that she just did it for an audience of one…me. No one else knew my dark little secret…”Hi, my name is Ellen and I am the worst mother in existence”.

As some of you unfortunately know all the words to this familiar song, this started to change. Her inner-Hulk started to reveal itself on playdates and at school. To be fair she wasn’t a nuclear meltdown 24/7, but when she did pop she popped big. The stares, the begging (from me) and then I got the dreaded phone call… her teacher wanted to have a meeting with my husband and me. I figured we weren’t walking in to an award ceremony for “Best Parents Ever” but you can always hope (I made room on the mantle just in case we were taking home some kind of trophy, but I think you see where this is going).   Apparently she becomes so frustrated in school at the other kids, she will scream at them until they burst into tears. Now mind you, she wasn’t a sociopath, meaning she didn’t smile while they cried, she felt bad but just couldn’t control it. I sat there and patiently listened to her teacher ask if there were problems at home or any life changes which could be affecting her, to which there were none. My only thoughts were “I’m failing…worst parent ever”. Five In Five Out…FIFO

Now back to me…I’m not a screamer but I get overwhelmed like everyone else and I’m grateful for my yoga outlet and what it teaches me, Five In Five Out…FIFO. I’m taking care of me, my hubby, my mom, two kids and two doggies and there’s just not enough hours in the day. I want to scream bloody murder and lose my shit too, but I don’t (well, mostly). I’ve learned that when life gives you lemons there isn’t always an opportunity to make lemonade.   Sometimes life takes those lemons and squirts you in the eyes and rubs them in your cuts. You have to keep your shit together and keep on living. It all sounds great, right? If only life was as easy as some blogger makes it out to be. My life isn’t perfect and neither is my daughter’s…neither is anyone’s. Most of the bad shit in life is out of our control and the only thing we can do is choose how we react to it. I recently started teaching “little Attila” that nope…life isn’t fair and hell is other people. Like her dad constantly points out to them, you need to be able to function in society even when society sucks.

I’ve started bringing my little rage monster into the FIFO fold and we’ve seen a dramatic change for the better. She’s starting to recognize when things are making her frustrated and before it gets out of hand she starts to calm herself down.   I’ve seen her in mid-conversation with her sister; she stops, closes her eyes and start deep breathing.

As happy endings go (no hubby, not that kind) this sounds like a great one. I’d love to tell you that she has completely changed her ways and turned into a shining beacon of joy and happiness. As Americans we love our stories to have happy endings where all the problems are solved, the hero wins and the villain has been defeated. Unfortunately in real life sometimes the definition of a win is no one ended up in the hospital and the cops were not at my house.

My little short-fused firecracker has certainly mellowed out when she reached double digits (almost in time for teen-dom, hooray!). She practices her FIFO and the meetings with her teachers are now more focused on her love for history and her disdain for math. While definitely not at a helicopter-mom level I still keep one Bionic Woman ear on her play dates, and I’m happy to share that she is growing into a conscientious and thoughtful young woman. I’m sure, like anyone else, she’ll have her outbursts and meltdowns and that’s OK.   My hubby says “that’s just the cost of doing business”. I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean, but he says it with such an air of wisdom that I just nod and smile (hey what can I say…he’s pretty).

I look forward to a long life filled with offering unrequested pearls of wisdom and nuggets of advice to my girls. Late night talks about a broken heart over a quart of ice cream, helping fill out college applications and reassuring a hormonal pregnant mom-to-be that she’s going to do just fine…these are all hopefully in my future. As parents we have a lot to teach our kids and as a mom of girls I feel like I have a specific responsibility in raising these potential leaders of tomorrow. The benefits of teaching both of my kids about FIFO is twofold. I’m helping them develop the coping mechanisms they’ll need throughout their lives as well as practicing myself which I think makes me a better mom and gets us all a little closer to our Happy Ending (that one’s for you hubby).

Five In Five Out…FIFO

The post The Nuclear (meltdown) Family appeared first on Living Clean and Dirty.