According to the internet, we all love Top 5 lists. You can easily find the Top 5 underrated movies to watch, the Top 5 vacation destinations, the Top 5 dildos (who knew Girthy was actually a word), you name it and someone has declared their top 5 favorites of it.
I was going to preface my Top 5 list with all the usual hits.
- Change can sometimes be scary, but it comes with a huge sense of accomplishment
- Think of this as a whole new opportunity
- It’s empowering
- It can lead to anal orgasms
- Add a little variety to your life
OK, to be fair, these are all the reasons my hubby has presented over the years to try to introduce butt stuff into our bedroom (or closet, or shower, etc) but to be fair I think at least 80% of his failed arguments are strong contenders to embrace my year-end Top 5.
So without further ado…I present to you my Top 5 ways to go green and save money in your bathroom.
- Bidet Attachment: 1990 me: “This is the stupidest water fountain I have ever seen” Current me: “How did I ever live without this.” You know who
has 2 thumbs and loves a clean butthole…well, hopefully everyone but I can only speak for myself when I say “this gal!”. While I’m not a butthole expert (yes, that’s my husband laughing that you hear) when I upgraded all of the toilets in my house to low-flow I also tried a few different brands of toilet mounted bidets. I bought a moderately priced one (Hello Tushy) a more affordable big box store version (Hello Lowes) and a super cheapy model (Hello Amazon) for the bathroom that my husband has claimed as his own. I can report that honestly there’s really no difference between them. Now you can certainly go over the top (or the bottom in this case) and get one with a heated toilet seat, one that sprays warm water up your butt, and one even has a wireless remote control (I’m shaking my head on that one). The “bottom” line is regardless of the brand, you use WAY less toilet paper, your precious little starfish is definitely cleaner and for you ladies out there if you angle your hips just right, well…you may be spending a little extra time in the bathroom. Want to know more about the flower-shower? Here’s some bathroom reading material for you right HERE. - Toilet Paper: Of course this is number 2, but the bidet article was a strong runner up. Approximately 27,000 trees are cut down EVERY DAY (yes that says EVERY DAY) just to make toilet paper. First thing you can do to cut down on that waste is buy a bidet (see item #1). Next step, switch to recycled or bamboo toilet paper. Don’t get scared, recycled toilet paper is not using someone else’s – that’s just disgusting. It’s toilet paper made from recycled materials. More and more companies are making eco-friendly toilet paper options like Who Gives a Crap or you can buy bamboo toilet paper which is a renewable resource and does not contain toxins. I love Reel because it’s made with 100% tree-free fibers, making it the most sustainable paper on the market. Plus, all of the shipping materials are biodegradable and they use plastic-free packaging. And for my hardcore fans out there…toilet paper does have 2 sides.
- Bamboo or Recycled Toothbrush: According to the American Dental Association, we throw away one billion plastic toothbrushes each year just in the United States. That’s billion with a B. Now I may have to stand next to you one day so I’m not telling you to stop brushing your teeth. I’m
saying you can do it without creating this much waste. There are companies like Preserve, that make toothbrushes from recycled #5 plastic (plastic bottle tops, yogurt containers, kitchenware, etc) so they’ve created a circular product. What does that mean? When you’re done with it you can send it back and they’ll recycle it into a new product. Looking for another eco-friendly toothbrush idea? Try bamboo brushes. They are naturally biodegradable and you can find them with BPA free bristles that you remove before disposing of them. They come in adult and children sizes (make your kids an eco-warrior while they’re young) and some even have zero-waste packaging. All jokes aside, these are a huge hit in my house, I even bought separate ones for my dogs…yes, my dogs. - Toothpaste Tabs: My grandma used to be so proud of her teeth. I remember when she was 95 years old she would smile and say, “Ellen, they’re all mine and I still have every one of them.” Being a teenager, I’d roll my eyes but now I get it. I also will never forget she brushed her teeth after every meal and always used toothpaste powder. I remember it because I was used to seeing toothpaste in a tube and never as a powder. Turns out grandma not only had awesome teeth but was an eco-warrior too. It’s next to impossible to get all the toothpaste out of a tube and they’re made of a plastic that is very difficult to recycle so it ends up in the trash, but not anymore. There are a bunch of companies that make toothpaste tabs that are easy to use, come in glass jars (that you can refill, reuse, or recycle) and here’s the bonus…made without harmful ingredients (yup, you can be using toothpaste with toxic ingredients like fluoride, triclosan, carrageenan, parabens, SLS). I’ve used Bite toothpaste bits and like them because it’s 100% plastic free, they make different flavors (even ones for kids) and they just plain work.
- Floss: When I say floss, my kids and husband start doing their Fortnite dance, but as a classy adult woman my mind instantly goes to Pretty
Woman. Remember the scene where Julia Roberts gets caught flossing (not the dance) and she says “You shouldn’t neglect your gums.” Chances are she wasn’t using biodegradable and compostable dental floss, and chances are you’re probably not either. So use up what you have and when you need more look for dental floss that biodegradable, free from parabens, fragrance, SLS, phthalates (all the bad stuff) and packaged in a glass jar. I think my husband would be thrilled to find out I’m picking up some tips from a Rom-Com movie prostitute, but might end up being disappointed to learn that the tip is about dental hygiene. But fear not hubby, always remember my second favorite Pretty Woman quote…”I Appreciate This Whole Seduction Thing You’ve Got Going On Here, But Let Me Give You A Tip: I’m A Sure Thing.”
