I was going to preface my own Top 5 list with all the usual motivational stuff. Change can be scary. Every journey starts with a single step. Small changes add up. Future You will thank Present You. Then I remembered this is a bathroom article. Let’s not overthink it.

So without further ado, I present my Top 5 ways to go green and save money in your bathroom.

1. Bidet Attachment: 1990 me: “This is the stupidest waterfountain I’ve ever seen.” Current me: “How did I ever live without this?” You know who has two thumbs and became a complete bidet convert? This girl. When I upgraded all the toilets in my house to low-flow models, I also tried a few different bidet attachments. I bought a moderately priced one (Hello Tushy), a more affordable big-box store version (Hello Lowe’s), and a super-cheap Amazon model for the bathroom my husband has claimed as his own. Honestly, I couldn’t tell much difference between them. Sure, you can spend a fortune on heated seats, warm water, remote controls and enough features to make your toilet smarter than your television, but the basic models get the job done just fine. You’ll use a lot less toilet paper, you’ll save money over time, and after a few weeks you’ll wonder why these aren’t standard in every bathroom. Want to know more? Check out my full bidet review right HERE.

2. Toilet Paper: Of course this landed at number two. Approximately 27,000 trees are cut down every single day just to make toilet paper. That’s a lot of trees for something we literally flush away. The first step is using less of it, which brings us right back to item number one. The second step is switching to recycled or bamboo toilet paper. Don’t panic. Recycled toilet paper isn’t recycled toilet paper. It’s made from recycled paper products that would otherwise end up in a landfill. More and more companies now make terrific eco-friendly options. Some use recycled paper, others use bamboo, which grows incredibly fast and is a renewable resource. I really like Reel because it’s made from 100% tree-free fibers, ships in plastic-free packaging and the boxes are recyclable. And yes…for my longtime readers…toilet paper still has two sides.

3. Bamboo or Recycled Toothbrush: According to the American Dental Association, Americans throw away roughly one billion plastic toothbrushes every year. That’s billion with a B. Now I’m definitely not suggesting anyone stop brushing their teeth. The people standing next to you in line would appreciate it if you kept doing that. Instead, switch to a more sustainable toothbrush. Companies like Preserve make toothbrushes from recycled #5 plastics like yogurt containers and bottle caps. When you’re finished with them, you can send them back to be recycled into something new. Another great option is bamboo. The handles are biodegradable, many brands use plastic-free packaging, and they’re available in both adult and kids’ sizes. These have become a huge hit in my house. I even bought toothbrushes for my dogs. Yes…my dogs.

4. Toothpaste Tabs: My grandma was incredibly proud of her teeth. When she was in her nineties she’d smile and tell me, “They’re all mine.” As a teenager I’d roll my eyes. Today I completely understand. She brushed after every meal and always used toothpaste powder. Back then I thought it was strange because everyone else squeezed toothpaste from a tube. Turns out Grandma was ahead of her time. Traditional toothpaste tubes are surprisingly difficult to recycle because they’re made from layers of different materials. Toothpaste tabs solve that problem. Most come in refillable glass jars, eliminate plastic waste, travel well and work exactly the way you’d expect. I’ve used Bite Toothpaste Bits for quite a while now. They’re plastic-free, come in several flavors, even make versions for kids, and they’ve earned a permanent spot in my bathroom. Sometimes Grandma really did know best.

5. Floss: When I say floss, my husband immediately starts doing the Fortnite dance. I immediately think of Pretty Woman. Remember the scene where Julia Roberts gets caught flossing her teeth and casually says, “You shouldn’t neglect your gums.” She had a point. Traditional floss usually comes wrapped in plastic and often isn’t biodegradable. When you run out, look for floss made from biodegradable materials that’s packaged in a reusable glass container. There are plenty of good options now that skip unnecessary plastics and still do exactly what they’re supposed to do. Your dentist will be happy. The planet will be happy. And your gums will be pretty happy too.

So there you have it. Five easy changes that don’t require remodeling your bathroom or emptying your wallet. Going green isn’t about being perfect. It’s about making a few better choices whenever you can. If you’ve found a great eco-friendly bathroom product that I should try, let me know. I’m always looking for my next favorite swap.

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First, don’t touch his soap.   I already knew this was coming, so I did what any smart woman would do…I kept his shit next to my shit and made it HIS idea to switch.  My hubby LOVED a certain green soap he’d been using since long before we met.  My friend and I were talking about this and she told me her hubby was also a fan, must be a dude thing.  So I put my soap next to his (imagine a Prius parked next to a Hummer and sure enough, when his soap was running low he picked up my organic, locally made soap (not by me – I just don’t have that kind of time and I’ve never seen Fight Club) and LOVED it.  Goodbye red-headed kilt-wearing whistling green soap and hello deep sea mud.  A disclaimer about my hand-crafted-a-few-towns-away-from-me soap:  it’s not cheaper than what you find on the shelves, but I care what goes on that man’s body.  I found the soap I use at a local farmer’s market and contacted the woman who actually made it.  We agreed that if I bought it in bulk, she would sell it to me for almost half the price.  Now, every few months we meet in parking lots around our town for a “soap drop” (Mark, please…that’s too easy).  If you can’t find your own “soap dealer” there are some awesome companies that make soap without all the chemicals and fragrances.  I started my switch with Dr. Bronner’s Castile Soap but you can check the Environmental Working Group’s Safe Cosmetics Database (www.ewg.org) to see all the toxin free alternatives.

Wife 1 – Hubby 0

Second, don’t touch his toothpaste.  OK, here’s what is actually printed on his tube of toothpaste and probably on some of yours:  “Keep out of reach of children under 6 years of age.  If you accidentally swallow more than used for brushing, get medical help or contact a Poison Control Center right away.”

You’re fucking kidding me right?  Who the hell hasn’t accidentally swallowed some of this crap?  Before I switched my kids over to my toothpaste they probably swallowed so much of it over the years they could refill an entire tube.  Why would I let his mouth that I love so much purposely put something so foul in it? (come on, the site is called clean and DIRTY…sorry mom).  The only time we should be looking up the number for poison control is around the holidays when somebody brings a fruit cake over.  Poison toothpaste…awesome.

Let’s move past the whole poison aspect because fluoride was the rabbit hole that sent me down the internet for weeks. I’m not a scientist or a doctor, so do your own research, but after reading everything I could get my hands on, I decided fluoride-free toothpaste was the right choice for me and my family. So that’s the first thing I look for when I’m standing in the toothpaste aisle. I must have tried 5 different ones until I found one I thought didn’t taste like shit, not that I’ve ever eaten shit but you get the idea.  When I found the brand I liked, my hubby didn’t and stuck with his triple-protection poison paste.  Like Noah’s bathroom vanity for a while there were two different bars of soap and two different tubes of toothpaste and life went on.  The next time he started running low I bought a new flavor and switched it on him one morning when he was running late for work…and then I hid downstairs away from his cries of confusion.  Fast forward a week or so and we’re both brushing healthier and sharing my toothpaste (but not toothbrushes because that’s just gross).

Wife 2 – Hubby 0

Third, don’t touch his deodorant.  I’m always talking about baby steps, and I completely agree that change sucks.  I got him to change soap and toothpaste in the same month, that’s a pretty big accomplishment in my book and my tactics never required any couples therapy which is always a plus.  I make my own deodorant and that just weirds him out.  He thinks you shouldn’t be able to eat your deodorant and loves his traditional, aluminum filled stick.  What can you do, we’re all a work in progress.  We’re exposed to so many toxins daily that if you just switch a few things, it helps.  You can think I’m a foul-mouthed whack job (not completely untrue) and that’s ok, but when you’re looking to buy your next product because you ran out, try something new, read the list of ingredients, GET EDUCATED.

Like Meatloaf sang “Two out of three ain’t bad” (Meatloaf was in Fight Club, there’s your Six Degrees of Getting Green right there)

Final Score: Wife 2 – Hubby 1    –   Happy Marriage

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