Say it without giggling…menstrual cup

Well, it’s Saturday night.

I’ve had a few glasses (ok a bottle) of my excellent organic, heart healthy wine so I thought I would share with you what I do during those few special days of the month. Early on in my eco-friendly journey, I realized I’m shoving a missile shaped wad of chemical filled cotton up my hoo-ha in order to keep back the crimson tide. Growing up, I gave Toxic Shock about as much thought as my friend’s Foreigner cover band and kept that little missile in there 24/7 until the coast was clear. My BFF from childhood is a nurse practioner who gave me a lecture on wearing tampons throughout my period and tried to convince me to use tampons during the day but pads at night. Sure, I tried it but ultimately the next morning I would find myself as a contestant on the monthly gameshow “Surprise Laundry!”. Thanks, but no thanks.

So recently I set out on a different path. I skipped organic cotton tampons all together and jumped right into the cup. It took me many hours of internet searching to find what my husband affectionately refers to as the “Twillight Goblet” and then many more hours of soul searching to decide whether I had the balls to use it.

Menstrual Cup…there, I said it.

My friend used a non-applicator tampon and I thought that was gross because she had to use her finger as the applicator so how the fuck was I going to shove a backwards dinner bell up into my own loveliness? I bought one online (I use the Diva Cup) after reading a gazillion reviews and thought I’d try it. First, I drank a lot of wine, then I filed my nails and only then finished said bottle of wine. Remember I’ve not only got to get it up there, but then I have to turn it into place like I’m cracking open a fucking safe. I’m a bit of a masturbating prude so this was not an easy task and after an Italian husband and two kids my poor baby hole was a hot mess.

It took nearly six months to perfectly crack that safe but I made it. Now, I swear, the menstrual cup is THE all-time greatest invention. Gone are the days of spending a small fortune buying tampons and pads. This 100% silicone, reusable, economical and eco-friendly blood goblet is the best feminine hygiene product you never knew you needed. I can wear it all day without having to empty it and I have no idea why more women aren’t trying it. For the love of Mother Earth and your wallet, try cracking that safe. It just may improve the worst days of your month.