The Legend of Grandma Helen and the War on Plastic

The wise prophet Neil Sedaka once laid it out for us like this

I beg of you don’t say goodbye, can’t we give our love another try?
Come on, baby, let’s start anew, ’cause breaking up is hard to do

Wiser words have never been spoken, so much so, that even the Partridge Family delivered the same message in full Partridge regalia at a carnival in the 1972 episode “Nag, Nag, Nag” (look it up).  Gloria Estefan, Clay Aiken, Carole King and so many others have preached about the ‘hard-to-do-ness’ of breakups but sadly I don’t think any of them were trying to break up with plastic like I am.

So if you remember all the way back to my last post about Earth Day and my impending war on all things plastic.  I talked about how my vitamins and my weird former co-worker Steve both came in plastic containers and those 2 things are both very bad. Well, I’m here to remind you I’m still fighting the good fight against plastic.  You don’t realize just how much plastic we use in our daily lives from toothbrushes to phone cases, garbage cans to car bumpers, dildos to eyeglasses, and what I’m talking about today…kitchen gadgets and food storage. (Yeah, you heard me right. I said eyeglasses)

I think the easiest way to kick plastic to the curb (in my blue recycle bin of course) is by going old-school, and when we start talking old-school then we have to start with “Hell-on-Wheels Helen”. My Grandma Helen grew her own food, sewed her own clothes and bought a car before she even got a driver’s license. She was never in a car accident but they say she caused more than a few, so take that advice with a grain of salt.  She was the Chuck Norris of grandmas.  Legend has it that she once had an underwater breath-holding contest with a fish…and won.  When she sliced onions, the onions would cry.  The flu still gets Grandma Helen shots each year.  Basically, she was a bad ass before women were supposed to be bad asses.

I’m pretty sure she would get a kick out of my Year of Clear. She was a real no bullshit lady and I like to think I get all my good qualities from her.  She was the boss of her house and not only could OG Helen start a fire with an ice cube and beat the sun in a staring contest but she knew that when it came to the kitchen, glass was where it was at. She stored everything in glass and it made a ton of sense, it was completely see-through, you could go directly from the fridge to the oven and so long as you don’t chuck it at your husband (allegedly) it will last for years.  Plastic wasn’t an option back then and even if it was I don’t think Helen would have had any of it. Sure plastic might be lighter and cheaper but glass is more durable, non-porous and won’t warp over time. Legend has it that Helen could dribble a bowling ball and win at connect four in three moves, so she would tell you to get that weak-ass plastic shit out of here.

She wasn’t around for the rise in popularity of stainless steel straws, silicone storage bags and biodegradable sponges, but if she was I know she would be a fan.  Maybe she would have created Living Clean and Dirty.  Maybe we need to think more about what is touching our food.  Maybe we need to simplify and declutter. Maybe the Boogeyman checks under the bed for Grandma Helen every night. My point is…maybe we all just need a little more Old School in our lives.

So I don’t want to “Nag, Nag, Nag” (Jesus, just look it up!) but in honor of OG (Original Grandma) Helen here are my top 5 Old School meets New School tips for breaking up with plastic in the kitchen. And feel free to share any of your favorite plastic break-up tips, or 8×10 glossies of David Cassidy for that matter.

1.   Sponges: “Sponge-worthy” jokes aside, if you’ve ever use a loofa in the shower you’ll know it’s a great way to clean your body. Why shouldn’t your dishes, pots and pans be treated with the same TLC. Not only is Scrufah biodegradable, compostable, non- toxic and of course plastic free (the packaging has NO plastic too) it works really well on scrubbing off those tough messes after sitting in the sink all night. To clean my counters I love, love, love Skoy Cloths. They’re biodegradable, chlorine-free, unbleached, washable in either your washer or dishwasher and the best part is they last a really, really, really long time. The website says it can last for months and is the equivalent to using 15 rolls of paper towels but mine have lasted YEARS and I barely buy paper towels.

2.   Storage Containers: Taking a page out of Grandma Helen’s book, I switched to all glass containers. I have a ton of Mason Jars which are awesome, but sometimes it’s more convenient to have shallower storage. There are plenty of companies that sell glass containers BUT the lids are plastic and they suck, so lose-lose. They warp in my dishwasher and are difficult to wash by hand. They crack and split apart so you never get a good seal, and much like a Dutch Oven, if you don’t have a good seal then what’s the point. So basically the bottom part is great and the top half is useless (much like most of my old boyfriends). Thankfully I came across a company called Nummy. Nummyware is glass stackable storage containers that come in different sizes, are dishwasher/oven/microwave/freezer safe. They come with a bamboo lid that is 100% biodegradable, BPA free, phthalate free with a food grade silicone seal that is easy to clean and dishwasher safe.  Check out Nummylife here.

3.   Grow my own food: No plastic containers, no BPA filled receipts, no plastic wrap, no plastic produce bags. Just go outside (in the winter it’s inside) and cut, wash and use. Want great tips on how to grow your own garden. Check out this blogpost for more info. **Pro-Tip!! You can GROW SCALLIONS IN WATER INSIDE YOUR HOUSE from store bought scallions. Check it out here!

4.   Stainless Steel Straws: I would ditch using straws completely but I love drinking lemon water, which is basically lemonade’s cool older cousin. Some say if you drink this daily the acid in the lemon can ruin the enamel on your teeth. Others say to just to rinse your mouth with water after drinking the lemon water and you’ll be fine.  Still others will say that if you drink it from a straw then your pearly whites will be safe.  Legend has it that life gave my Grandma Helen lemons and she used them to make lemonade, 2 grenades, a motorcycle and an entire bottle of bourbon.  So basically no one knows what the real answer is.  I play it safe and drink my morning lemon water with a straw. I love turtles WAY too much to ever use a plastic straw, paper straws are gross, so that’s why I go with stainless steel. I bought 4 and use them over and over and over again. I even carry one in my purse when I go out which embarrasses the crap out of my kids. (grenades, motorcycle and bourbon not included)

5.   Silicone Storage Bags: My kids hate it when I take our used ziplock plastic bags, wash them and reuse them. My hubby actually says THIS is the last straw (not even stainless) and too much for even him to watch. I’m not using those bags once and throwing them away and thankfully I’m not the only one with this problem. We use non-toxic, dishwasher and microwavable silicone bags. They come in all sizes and colors so you can freeze, store or use them to carry around food. You can check some out here and here.