You Must Tend Your Garden

When I was young and single, personal hygiene was at the top of my daily shit to do list.  Basically that means I was very attentive to “tending the garden”.  That’s just nice talk for shaving or waxing your bush so that when a guy got your pants off he didn’t think he was staring at Lenny Kravitz in a headlock.  And if by luck he was an overachiever and actually did try to find my clitoris I didn’t think {Read More}

So smart, It’ll make you cry

Do scallions work like onions and make you cry?  Ahh, who cares.  It got you to check out the article and the video below. Hi guys, I know you are all struggling along without your regular LC&D updates so I thought I’d throw you a quick one to hold you over.  Another tip from my kitchen and this is one of my favorites.  Add 1 part great vegetable, a cup of water, a dash of free and voila…magic scallions.  Doug {Read More}

Who gives a chip?

 Raise your hand if you like potato chips… (wow, that’s a lot of hands)   Now, I love processed foods as much as the next gal, but I also know how bad they are for you.  In my quest to give my kids the potato chips they craved and not turn them into those weird kids who never eat snacks, sweets and junk food I decided to try to make my own.  I read a ton of reviews of the {Read More}

Dancing with Jake Ryan

So there I was, a fresh-faced budding young woman of 14.  I was at the movies with some friends and that’s when I first saw him.  He became very important in my “formative years” and was often on my mind as I drifted off to sleep…Jake Ryan.  When Sixteen Candles came out in 1984 I thought the story was cute, the dress was awesome, but Jake was dreamy.  Somehow over the years his dialogue with Long Duck Dong blurred in {Read More}

Happy Earth Day 2015

Earth Day 2015! It’s like the Super Bowl of the Living Clean and Dirty regular season. It’s here! It’s here! No, this level of excitement isn’t about hump day or as I like to call it “Inappropriate Mortician” day but that’s moderately exciting too (Yawn)! I get more excited about this one day than I did when I got my first period (although looking back, “while roller skating in white pants” does not a special moment make…). But let’s not {Read More}

Lick it before you bite it

We all make choices every day. Even choosing not to make a choice is a choice. Most of the choices are small ones, coffee or juice, soup or salad, Polish Bike Ride or Cambodian Basket Toss, you get the idea. Sometimes we even make choices that we know aren’t going to work out well, but we choose them anyway. It’s like when my personal driver (let’s call him husband) chooses to ask me for directions. Him: OK, look it up {Read More}

Surviving Val-Pocalypse 2015

As I’m sure you can tell by now, I love to have a good laugh.  But I should preface that with the fact that the material needs to be funny.  Back in my single days a guy gave me this card on Valentine’s Day.  Now, granted I took some artistic liberties with the card itself because the original is still probably in police evidence “just in case”, but the sentiment is the same.  He wasn’t funny, he was super creepy {Read More}

I’m Positive I’m not Negative

So I was a child of the late 70s to early 80s and when I think back to those glorious days of Jelly shoes, PacMan and Trapper Keepers I start to remember my favorite gifts that I got from my parents.  See if you can guess what all of these things had in common. Cabbage Patch Kid Rubik’s Cube Big Wheel Play Doh Fun Factory Shrinky Dinks No, the answer is not “thing’s in my pervy uncle’s basement”.  The answer {Read More}

I Want to Be Your Sole Survivor

Here’s an easy green tip for all of my peeps.  Take off your shoes at the front door. OK, back when I was pre-green I thought this was weird when people would ask me to go shoeless in their house.  Take off my fucking shoes?  What am I…5?  I’m so glad I’m wearing my period socks which are stained and have holes in one of the toes (yes, period socks).  Well,as it turns out post-green Ellen thinks this is a {Read More}

Just the Tip – You don’t bring me vases anymore

I have to be honest, when it comes to husbands I’m pretty lucky.  Sure I bust his balls all the time as I drag him with me on my journey into the green, but he’s definitely a good egg.  Early on when we were still dating he bought me flowers and had them delivered to me at my apartment.  I think it was a summer bouquet, because I remember the sunflowers; but more importantly I remember the tulips and the {Read More}