Dancing with Jake Ryan

So there I was, a fresh-faced budding young woman of 14.  I was at the movies with some friends and that’s when I first saw him.  He became very important in my “formative years” and was often on my mind as I drifted off to sleep…Jake Ryan.  When Sixteen Candles came out in 1984 I thought the story was cute, the dress was awesome, but Jake was dreamy.  Somehow over the years his dialogue with Long Duck Dong blurred in {Read More}

Happy Earth Day 2015

Earth Day 2015! It’s like the Super Bowl of the Living Clean and Dirty regular season. It’s here! It’s here! No, this level of excitement isn’t about hump day or as I like to call it “Inappropriate Mortician” day but that’s moderately exciting too (Yawn)! I get more excited about this one day than I did when I got my first period (although looking back, “while roller skating in white pants” does not a special moment make…). But let’s not {Read More}

Not so Fast-Food

In the words of the great Ferris Bueller “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”  I equate this quote to my behavior at the dinner table at the risk of my husband associating this movie with things rapidly going into my mouth, I’m afraid he’d never be able to watch it with a straight face again.  Allow me to explain… When I was a kid I sat across {Read More}

I want to give you an STD

Ok, you should know by now that I’m into the shock factor, and I’ve come to realize that’s ok.  I don’t believe as a society we listen to the gentle whispers, we are a society of Octo-mom, mermaid mockumentaries and Haliburton.  Nobody is going to give a shit if I say, “Hey, here’s some everyday things you should be doing to improve your life”, but if I go with “Hey internet, how about some Herpes”…you’re all ears. Let’s talk about {Read More}

Forget Cake, I Say Let them Eat BARF

“I’m going to let you in on a little secret, I’m the crazy one.” Usually after a glass (bottle) of wine I find myself uttering that sentence to people I’m friendly with but not yet friends. The more people get to know me they realize I’m more “solar panels on the roof” than “bodies in the fridge” crazy. Although I have come across a few people in my life who have made me wonder how many Tupperware containers it would {Read More}

Babe…I’ve got food babe

I’d like to dazzle you with a handful of quotes that I try to consider when it comes to food and what I feed my family. “One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well” – Virginia Woolf  “Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn.” – Dr. Ruth Westheimer (who I’m guessing is speaking of organic corn) “The doctor of the future will no longer treat the human frame with drugs, but rather will cure {Read More}

Lick it before you bite it

We all make choices every day. Even choosing not to make a choice is a choice. Most of the choices are small ones, coffee or juice, soup or salad, Polish Bike Ride or Cambodian Basket Toss, you get the idea. Sometimes we even make choices that we know aren’t going to work out well, but we choose them anyway. It’s like when my personal driver (let’s call him husband) chooses to ask me for directions. Him: OK, look it up {Read More}

Surviving Val-Pocalypse 2015

As I’m sure you can tell by now, I love to have a good laugh.  But I should preface that with the fact that the material needs to be funny.  Back in my single days a guy gave me this card on Valentine’s Day.  Now, granted I took some artistic liberties with the card itself because the original is still probably in police evidence “just in case”, but the sentiment is the same.  He wasn’t funny, he was super creepy {Read More}

I’m Positive I’m not Negative

So I was a child of the late 70s to early 80s and when I think back to those glorious days of Jelly shoes, PacMan and Trapper Keepers I start to remember my favorite gifts that I got from my parents.  See if you can guess what all of these things had in common. Cabbage Patch Kid Rubik’s Cube Big Wheel Play Doh Fun Factory Shrinky Dinks No, the answer is not “thing’s in my pervy uncle’s basement”.  The answer {Read More}

I Want to Be Your Sole Survivor

Here’s an easy green tip for all of my peeps.  Take off your shoes at the front door. OK, back when I was pre-green I thought this was weird when people would ask me to go shoeless in their house.  Take off my fucking shoes?  What am I…5?  I’m so glad I’m wearing my period socks which are stained and have holes in one of the toes (yes, period socks).  Well,as it turns out post-green Ellen thinks this is a {Read More}