About Me




Who am I and why should you give a shit about the things I have to say?

That’s easy…I’m you.

I’m not saying you necessarily have to have a vagina, or kids, or a husband…but by the time you’re done reading this I bet you’ll find some part of me in you (that’s a line only my husband could’ve written).

I live in Long Island and I’m married to my best friend. I’ve got 2 awesome daughters. I feel blessed about 95% of the time and the other 5% I wonder what kind of sick friggin’ revenge the universe is having on me. I’m the proud mommy of 2 rescue dogs who when they aren’t shitting in the house are the best pets anyone could ask for.

I’m a card-carrying vegetarian and eco-friendly amazon warrior (I’m not going to throw shit at your fur coat, but I could possibly stick a kick me sign on it). I have the face on an angel and I’m filthy like a sailor. You either love me or hate me.

This website is a testament to my life experiment (rhymes are awesome!). I recycle, I learned a shit-ton about GMOs and I make my deodorant…not necessarily in that order. We aren’t raising kids in the same world we grew up in and I’m trying to be a better mom and a smarter woman. I’m miles from perfect, my adventures in being green sometimes backfire and my recipes aren’t all home runs, but I’m trying…every day.

My husband likes to tell all his friends about how he knew I was the one for him even on our first date. We stopped off at my apartment to feed my dog before we went out to see the fireworks (it was July 4th) and the phone rang. He played with my dog while I grabbed the phone. He told me he could hear my part of the conversation from the other room.

“…that’s right, it was total bullshit…no seriously, who does that? I told him he could suck my dick!!”


“…mom! mom! You’re not listening to me…”

He said he looked my dog right in the eye and said, “Well buddy, I think I found the one.”

So maybe you aren’t married. Maybe you pee standing up. Maybe you aren’t a former JAP from Long Island. You could be reading this on your phone while enjoying a big juicy steak (ahhhh skirt steak, I still miss you).

But here’s the thing…

Outside of my friends and family I’m not famous. I’ll never be “wear it once and then just throw it away” rich (even if I was that is soooo bad for the environment). I’m pretty clever when I need to be, but I’m not always the smartest one in the room.

I’ll bet I’m just like you.